Roxy Simoni

Theoretical Librarian. I’m the Cardi B of my friend group.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@paytmitch I think your dad might be a psychopath.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

On our way home from vacation trying to find someplace to get dinner in Cincinnati.
Me “oh no! That hot dog place isn’t accepting online orders. Should I find another hot dog place?”
Gabe ��you really want a second rate hot dog?”

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@hankgreen

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

“You ever feel like you’re just an alien controlling a human body like those guys in Men in Black?” -Gabe

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

“I’m really sad that my chocolate melted. It was Neapolitan so it had layers but it melted and now the magic is ruined.”-Gabe

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

I named my AirPods “airbuds” so they show up on everything as airbuds and I forgot that they’re not actually called airbuds. So when I say “have you seen my airbuds?” Gabe looks at me like “what in the basketball playing dog are you talking about?”

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@rrrrollie I just heard about a restaurant with a cheese converyer belt and all you can eat cheese. Pick & Cheese.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

I want to move to the UK simply because they have better TV. Why can’t I watch Channel 4 in the US?!

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@ramakrishnannn You son of a bitch

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

My biggest regret in life is that I got a manual pasta machine instead of an electric one

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

Gabe doesn’t remember that he threw me a Twilight themed 22nd birthday party.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@brutalmoose He’s just a small town streamer with big city dreams, he streams retro games on Sunday. https://t.co/2rXOJMyqih

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@katefeetie I did this exact thing last Christmas and I am now contemplating investing in a fancier bidet for the second bathroom.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@baileymeyers Ricochet- pronounced Rich-cock-it. I don’t know why.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

Gabe hasn’t said anything funny but he is drinking red wine from a box out of a champagne flute.

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

@AriDrennen Nice

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

Gabe “Why haven’t we ever had a puppy parade? We need to get all of our friends together and everyone needs to make a float.”

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

“I wish there were less weed stores and more good restaurants. How many weed stores do we really need?”
-Gabe

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

“Chips and cheese? That’s some good shit. I might even order that as my last meal on death row.” -Gabe

[Roxy Simoni @RoxyPopRox]

Where do people that bought the big skeleton keep it during the rest of the year? One of life’s great mysteries.