Somewhere in your 20s or 30s you'll get the opportunity to rebuild your life after a negative loop, heal from what broke you, live in your own space, reconnect with your discipline, and learn to love yourself again. It's very important that you see that journey through.
it is an unwritten rule of life that after every prolonged period of hardship and uncertainty, there is going to be a period when you are going to achieve quantum leaps across multiple areas of your life. the only requirement is that you do not give up on yourself.
You CANNOT go back in time and change the decisions you took. Forgive yourself, move on, be your best version. You're alive and until death all defeat is psychological.
Rebuild.