Rude Tweets

If my jokes offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

If there's 2 girls in the profile picture, the account belongs to the ugly one.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

There's that one friend in every friend group who is loved by everyone but has absolutely NO game with the ladies.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

If you're purchasing a Dollar Store pregnancy test, I think we both know you can't afford a positive.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that cause the stress to begin with.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

That moment when you have so much shit to do so you decide to just take a nap instead

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

Men who shave their arms and legs probably shave their vaginas as well.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

My GF hates when it I call her my "girlfrien". I think she wants the D.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

The awkward first 30 minutes of the party when nobody's drunk

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

Dentist: *pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: "Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss"

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

My new muslim friend is the bomb.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

Bitches get an iPhone and think they're rich. Bitches get Instagram and think they're cute. Bitches make a Twitter and think they're famous.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

My girlfriend got mad and told me that I treat her like a child. So, I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

I got kicked out the pool today, Apparently the breaststroke isn't what I thought it was...

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

You remind me of my chinese friend... Ug Lee

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

You're probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

I'd slap you, but that might be considered animal abuse

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

In China, you name your child after the sound you hear by dropping silverwear down the stairs

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

For guys “bros over hoes”. For girls “chicks over dicks”. For me, it’s “whoever has my back over the fake ass people, any day”

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

I said to a fat girl today, "You're a big girl!" She replied, "Tell me something I don't know." I said, "Salad tastes good"

[Rude Tweets @Rude_Quotes]

Everyone knows that one friend who's mom is a MILF