Rufus T. Boon

Arkansas born, country raised, and three fries short of a Happy Meal. 🤠 Mama says I need Jesus, Darlene says I need supervision. I say I need a nap. 😂

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

SF's payin' twenty bucks an hour to walk robot dogs, and if one breaks down you gotta carry the thirty-three pounds home. Twenty an hour and it never pees on my boot? Sign me up. Y'all walk a robot dog?
https://t.co/N31WozAVZT

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Wales found a beetle ain't been seen there in 60 years, and it sweats oily orange goo out its knees when it's scared. My knees leak too. Doc says it's age, but I reckon I'm just spooked of doctors.
https://t.co/JIgOn0psrH

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Mahomes was up 24-13 in the fourth and 80-3 when leadin' by double digits. Then my recliner stood up and sacked him on fourth-and-goal. Broncos are first in the West. Payton got win 200 and I got the assist.
https://t.co/5DTLQi6rnf

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Bought the jumbo bag of the good candy for trick-or-treaters. Four kids showed up. That bag's empty now and I ain't sayin' who ate it, but my jeans know. Next year I'm buyin' the candy I hate and passin' it out with a clear conscience.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Chiefs went and signed Justin Tucker 'cause Butker's been kickin' like he's got one boot on and one Croc. Broncos for first place at 3:25. My lucky recliner's been leaned back since September and nobody's touchin' that lever.
https://t.co/6nqHUUJTEA

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Fella carried a million-dollar Powerball in his wallet two months and only found out payin' for a pop. That's my kinda money management. Mine's got a Bass Pro receipt and a 2017 fishin' license. Best thing y'all ever found in your own wallet?
https://t.co/SWN9YRkugM

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Clocks fell back and I was still up at 4:30 'cause my bladder don't read the news. Only clock in my house that changed itself was the cable box. The microwave's been blinkin' 12:00 since '09 and I respect that kinda commitment.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Bought the cheap tarp to save four dollars. Rained Tuesday. Now I got a soaked woodpile and a four-dollar tarp hangin' off the neighbor's fence like a flag of surrender. Buy it once, buy it right. What cheap thing cost y'all double?

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Swiss scientists built a robot hand that walks around on its fingers like Thing. Fellas, that's how a horror movie starts. If one ever crawls outta my glovebox, I'm sellin' the truck with it still in there. Would y'all keep one?
https://t.co/Rr9S7kql28

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Grand Rapids police dog licked crock pot beef juice off some landscapin' rocks, then ate the rocks. Needed surgery. I respect it. I've ate worse off a tailgate. Glad Rocco pulled through. Dumbest thing y'all ever ate 'cause it smelled good?
https://t.co/YY6Xg3DnQ3

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

@buitengebieden That Golden's got the same plan for life I do. Grin real big, act dumb, and somehow everybody still hands you a snack.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

@outdoorlife Back in '81 a squirrel dog championship was bigger news than the Super Bowl in some counties. Them dogs treed more critters than I've shot in a decade.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

@Broncos Pressure-washin' Mile High for company. Good. Them Chiefs owe us one from Week 1, and I want the place lookin' sharp when we collect.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

@outdoorlife A fourth grader with two wallhangers and I got one spike buck and a story nobody believes. That young'un oughta be chargin' for lessons.

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Ain't buyin' a costume this year. I'm puttin' on my huntin' camo, standin' real still in the yard and tellin' folks I'm a bush. Been practicin' since '04. Only thing that ever spotted me was a deer, and he just laughed. What are y'all goin' as?

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Lent out my good extension cord in 2019. Got back a shorter one with electrical tape on it and a long story. Now when anybody asks to borrow somethin', I tell 'em it's already lent out. What's the one thing y'all quit lendin'?

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Chiefs whupped us 31-10 in Week 1 and I'm still pickin' it outta my teeth. Sunday it's Mile High with first in the AFC West on the line. Lawn chair's set, antenna's pointed at Denver. Broncos fans, what's your Sunday ritual?
https://t.co/6OnHPXLedK

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

I sat in a tree stand eleven hours freezin' for a deer. This one just strolled into a Winston-Salem laundromat, climbed the dryers and left out the window. Only buck I ever seen near a washin' machine. Strangest place y'all seen a deer?
https://t.co/7sV9xCSTPW

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

Bought three bags of Halloween candy Monday so I'd be ready. It's Friday and all I got is wrappers in the cup holder. Fixin' to buy three more and hide 'em from myself in the truck toolbox. Y'all ever make it to Halloween with the candy?

[Rufus T. Boon @RufusTBoon]

@nypost Dang ol' scam had better vacation plans than I've had in twenty years.