Mike? Or Pedro?

half hipster, half valley girl, half sloth

[Dan Pompei @danpompei]

Roger Craig sits on his deck with a cup of coffee and pops a vitamin D — the only supplement or medication he takes. Then he watches a Lifetime movie. He makes himself busy by sweeping leaves in the driveway or netting debris from the water fountains. If he sees clothes in the dryer, he folds them. If the dishwasher is full, he unloads it. My story, free here, on a life with dementia. https://t.co/xhnKt1ljwm

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

Just heard a football commentator say a team ran "trips to both sides"? Math ain't mathin'. 🤷‍♂️

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@thatgirlKacy12

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@Ms_Gingerella That feels like it has to be new. I don't remember seeing it done like that.

[NWS Fort Worth @NWSFortWorth]

As of 4:30am today (8/24/26), temps at DFW still haven't dropped below 90 degrees. Yuck!

This morning's low might be one of the warmest ever recorded at DFW. All-time record warmest low at DFW is 86.
#dfwwx

[Bexxy @Bexxy__19]

UPDATE ON GERALD AND THE CROW SITUATION:

Things have escalated.

I repeat.

THINGS HAVE FUCKING ESCALATED.

For those of you just joining us, yesterday I accidentally entered into diplomatic relations with a gang of crows after Gerald stole my good spoon.

Well.

This morning I walked outside and Gerald was waiting for me.

Alone.

Standing directly in the middle of my driveway.

No screaming.

No hopping around.

Just staring at me like a tiny feathered loan shark who had come to collect.

I said, “Morning, Gerald.”

He tilted his head.

I gave him a walnut.

He did not eat it.

Instead, this motherfucker picked it up, walked three steps to the left, PUT IT DOWN, and stared at me again.

Message received.

The offering was insufficient.

So I went back inside and got more walnuts.

When I returned…

THERE WERE NINE CROWS.

Nine.

Yesterday there were seven.

Gerald is fucking recruiting.

And they were arranged in a SEMICIRCLE.

This isn’t a bird friendship anymore.

I’m funding organized crime.

I distributed the walnuts because apparently I pay protection money now.

Everything seemed fine until one of the smaller crows tried taking two.

Gerald immediately screamed at him.

The little one dropped the second walnut.

I have accidentally created an economy.

Gerald controls distribution.

There’s a hierarchy.

There are consequences.

I’m pretty sure I witnessed a disciplinary hearing before breakfast.

Then Gerald flew away.

I thought we were done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

Twenty minutes later I looked outside and there was something sitting where Gerald had been standing.

A bottle cap.

A shiny rock.

And…

MY FUCKING SPOON.

HE RETURNED THE SPOON.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I believe we have successfully negotiated a trade agreement.

Unfortunately, there is now a crow sitting on my mailbox.

So I still cannot get my fucking mail.

I tried approaching.

He puffed up.

I backed away.

That mailbox belongs to the organization now.

At this point I’m just a tenant.

Anyway, Gerald has officially been promoted to General Gerald, Commander of the Driveway, First of His Name, Keeper of the Good Spoon, Lord of the Power Line, Collector of Walnuts, and Regional Manager of Whatever The Fuck Is Happening Here.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

But if I suddenly stop posting…

Gerald found out I told you.

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@thatgirlKacy12 Same!

[Whataburger® @Whataburger]

Knockouts happen, but the REAL trophy is the ranch you picked up along the way. 🏆 That's why we have convenient sizes for both your carry-on and checked baggage.

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@CBAMavs I have a LOT of faith in the ability of Ujiri and Schmitz to evaluate talent. I can't imagine being unhappy with what goes down.

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@DanhausenAD @espn Did you get monies for appearing in this movie?

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@NoMoreMisteaks Yeah I thought that looked a bit tentative too?

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@thatgirlKacy12 Good lordt they will not stop scoring...?

[Popular Science @PopSci]

The step-by-step tutorial will help you make a colorful paper airplane, an X-57 Maxwell, and the X-59 Quiet SuperSonic Technology. https://t.co/ckyAbkFpMf

[Turgid Verse @gullyvuhr]

Please try drinking a little less water today. Think of the data centers.

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@SpotifyCares I'd like to purchase a 12-month membership as a gift but I can figure out where or how to do so. Any advice on how to locate retailers near me that offer physical Spotify gift cards?

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@bomani_jones Should we talk about a mercy rule here? Seems like nothing good can happen from here out for either team.

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@NoMoreMisteaks Hope the Stars intermission lines up with getting to listen to the Inside The NBA guys rip the Hawks

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@NoMoreMisteaks I've got that on in the YouTubeTV quad screen... that's just an unbelievable no show. AND the Hawks are at home too???

[Mike? Or Pedro? @RunOnPedro]

@shero4hire (Giggle). I still remember that episode vividly.