Rutherford Atlas

bein all like this guy over here

[worms cited @christapeterso]

i spent 2 hours curating a twitter blue screenshot storyline for my parents so here u go, for your own offline friends that want to have fun:

DAY 1 – ARRIVAL

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

Sharing my grandmother's recipe for Tomorrow Peas, since everyone keeps asking for it:

1. Get some peas
2. Cook them tomorrow

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@eunux_ My absence truly did the internet a disservice

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

What if dicks had a toenail on the end

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@_WelshIT I had the thought, and it was so terrifying that it scared me back onto Twitter

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

If you misspell Pepsi just a little, it sounds like "pee piss." Like, what does that mean

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@eunux_ Sounds like a fanfuckingtastic conversation to me

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@rejectedjokes Were you ever able to convince Scott to actually watch an episode of Piss House or not?

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

In the end, it turns out the real conspiracy was the [REDACTED] we made along the way.

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

PRIEST: ...and do you take this Godzilla to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?

ME: Kaiju😍

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

I just learned that Jack Johnson is actually short for Jacking Off Johnsonville Brats 🤯

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@_EvilSnakE_ @joby12 @Target Ayyy, made it lads. Good luck!

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@Target Why is my PS5 pre-order, which I was very lucky enough to secure within 30 minutes of pre-orders going live, showing a NOVEMBER 18 arrival date? That's SIX DAYS late. My brother and I took two days off of work for this.

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@SamExplainsTV @AskTarget @RealGamerRei Sorry, that means you don't have one yet. That's what mine said until I received notification that it shipped, at which point you get the tracking number. Sorry 😟

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@_EvilSnakE_ @joby12 @Target Hell yeah. I'm still slightly nervous, but I'll take it 😅

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@AskTarget @RealGamerRei Okay, and what feels somehow impossible given previous estimates and the fact that it's coming FedEx Ground, my tracking number finally shows an estimated delivery date: Tomorrow by end of day. So there's hope @RealGamerRei 🤷‍♂️

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@AskTarget @RealGamerRei But that isn't how PRE-ORDERS work. People pre-order consoles to receive them on launch day. That is the expectation across the board. Failing to have people's PS5s delivered by tomorrow means Target is failing to honor its obligation on a $500 purchase

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@_EvilSnakE_ @joby12 @Target Okay, what feels like it must be against all odds, FedEx finally has information for my tracking number.

And..... it's estimated to arrive by end of day tomorrow somehow 😅🤯🤷‍♂️

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@Minarchick42 @joby12 @_EvilSnakE_ @Target Absolutely. When I secured my pre-order early, I felt good and stopped trying other places.

Unless they somehow have this all mixed up and still get my PS5 to me tomorrow, I'm just never doing business with them again. Which is a shame, because I've always liked Target until now

[Rutherford Atlas @RutherfordAtlas]

@AskTarget Finally got shipping confirm. on my PS5 preorder. How does this still say Nov 18? Using slow shipping, you knew A WEEK AGO these were delayed and should have told us. Shipping so late, you were obligated to use OVERNIGHT FedEx but didn't. Why'd I even order from you?