Ryan Allen Carrillo

🎥 TV Personality
🛼 US National Champion 🥇🥈🥈
✍️ Writing "I Loved You Sober"
🏰 @TheCastleHouseEstate 🏰
👦👦🏻👦🏻 Father - 3 Boys
📬 Weekly essays ↓

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

Check us out in @TheAdvocateMag @lukeprusinski #TomofFinland photo: @stefanpinto
http://t.co/m87UlPBKnV

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

I recently sat down with the Middle Men Podcast for a candid conversation about my life.

We went all the way back & talked about growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness, coming out at 21, my skating career, and of course, the last 14 years of my life loving someone struggling with addiction.

I also shared a little about what I’ve come to realize about myself. I wasn’t addicted to drugs. I was addicted to relief. And that addiction nearly cost me everything.

We covered a lot, laughed a little, and got into some things that weren’t particularly easy to talk about.

My favorite part of the discussion was the host Brendan O’Hara. His no-judgment discussion was appreciated.

Really grateful for having me on.

I loved you sober.

Here’s to hope. ❤️

Link: https://t.co/1yGoTyxSu2

https://t.co/AnFtsBOO2Y

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

Your biggest mistakes are your greatest qualifications.

What qualifies me to help anybody? I’m the first one to say “ What the fuck do I know about anything.” I’m not a counselor. I’m not a therapist. I’m not even addicted to substances.

You’re most qualified in life to help the person you used to be.

I used to be addicted to “saving” my partner from substance abuse. I am addicted to hope.

That’s my qualifications. I’ve been to hell and back. I know what it’s like to finding myself and my voice again.

Here’s to hope!

i loved you sober.

#alanon #recovery #sober #codependancy #ilovedyousober

https://t.co/ZPqONx5Yms

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

Back home.
Grateful.
Two words that used to mean something so simple After months on the road, performing, creating, laughing, & living in a house with a bunch of elite athletes, I’m finally home.
Being here is complicated. Across the street from the man I spent 14 years loving, the man I had a vision with. A future with.
There’s something so crazy about being so physically close to someone who now is so far removed from my life. I can look in the house that I’m in now, and I see not thousands of memories, but MILLIONS of memories… of of some beautiful, some heartbreaking.
Just because a chapter ended painfully doesn’t mean every page of that book was terrible.
I think when looking through the lens of addiction, it’s hard to look back at your life with someone objectively because you’re just so angry. It feels like that person chose drugs over you.
But feelings aren’t facts.
There is something really beautiful here in Joshua Tree, CA. A home, a successful business, a life that actually became walls, windows … places where people gathered, people got married here. I’m proud of that. I’m proud of what we created out of nothing. I’m proud of the love that existed before addiction took up so much. I’m proud that despite everything, I still can recognize the beauty versus being triggered by all the pain, by all the horrible memories, by all the fights all the lies, all the cheating.
For a long time, I really thought and confused, letting go with having to erase everything. I see people do that all the time. They break up with someone, they erase every photo. I always thought that was so crazy, like the other person never existed. I don’t want to erase him. I see old photos of us and I can now see the love and fun we had.
I love him. I loved him
For the first time in a long time, being home isn’t about me trying to save someone else how to feel at home within myself.
Here’s to hope. I loved you sober.

#alanon #recovery #addiction #codependency #sober

https://t.co/QpCvAUNYWF

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

What a Difference a Year Makes

This Halloween I'll be performing three shows at Six Flags Magic Mountain in an All Wheel Sports Production called Nyte Walkers. The show features some of the best extreme sports athletes in the world.

I've been skating since I was five years old, and I did my first All Wheel Sports contract back in 1998 in Orlando, Florida, at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure.

Here I am, 51 years old, and I'm stronger, faster, more athletic than I was in 1998. Just last week, I broke a world record. And my goal is to break a world record a day for the next four days until my contract ends on November 1.

No small task. I'm so impressed with myself.

A year ago on Halloween, I was in the general population in a jail at the West Valley detention center with 48 other prisoners in one cell for four days.

It was there I realized that my life was unmanageable, and truly, saving, or what I thought was saving, my addicted partner of 14 years was killing me.

I'm a results-based guy. The harder I tried to get him sober, the harder I loved, the harder I grieved, the more angry I got, the more I tried to outsmart him, the worse he actually got, the more he got into his disease.

So it begs the question, who was more out of control, him or me?

The one in jail doesn't have a substance abuse problem. I was just trying to save him and my family.

What a difference a year makes.

On Halloween, the third part of my three-part series of my rock bottom and enlightenment experience in jail will be released. I hope you can check out parts one and two.

It's been one hell of a year. I'm truly grateful.

As my friend Marianne says, love the journey.

Read Parts 1&2:

https://t.co/u7zLCXNVnf

https://t.co/65kgTYSKPo

https://t.co/1CnDn6xdD8

#alanon #addiction #recovery

[Terry Matalas @TerryMatalas]

Oh Captain, my Captain.

This is how I’ll always remember you…

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

What Is the Cost of Freedom?

They say the only way to truly be free is through transparency.

I think that thought is counterproductive to how my generation was raised. Never mind the generations before us. They never let the side down.

How's the family? Everything's great. Meanwhile, the wife's an alcoholic, the husband's beating the children and cheating. But from the outside, everything was beautiful.

So to truly be transparent about all that I'm going through has been an adjustment for some to read. It's scared some of them.

But I have been lying, enabling, covering, saving, checking on my addict for years. Lying. Omitting.
Having the freedom to be honest, not only publicly with everyone around me, but more importantly with myself, has given me my freedom back.
What did it take for me to get my freedom? Losing my freedom. Going to jail. Hitting rock bottom.
A funny concept. I was never fully free until I went to jail.

October 31, Halloween, will be one year since I was arrested. Part 3 of my jail series comes out 8 AM on Halloween. I hope you read it.

Read Part 1: https://t.co/u7zLCXNVnf

Part 2:
https://t.co/65kgTYSKPo

#alanon #addiction #recovery

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

Just Because I Can Endure Something Doesn't Mean I Should

I'm ending a two-month stunt contract at Six Flags Magic Mountain. I'm up there with some of the best extreme sports athletes in the country, and they're all considerably younger than me. Every day I'm fighting through extreme forearm pain and tendon injuries, taping up my arms just trying to get some relief before each show.

And I do it for a paycheck. For the recognition. For the applause. But more than any of that, I do it for myself. To know I can still do it.

Here's the part I'm only now seeing clearly. I did the same thing in my relationship. I have battle scars from fourteen years of my ex's addiction, and I taped up my heart the same way I tape up my arms. I taped up my injuries, sometimes physical injuries from his violence, and I kept going.

All so I could get applause from the world. Proof that I'd made the relationship succeed. That I hadn't given up on him. That I was able to help him overcome his addiction.

What a foolish concept.

Being able to take a punch doesn't mean you stand there waiting for the next one. I don't have to be anyone's punching bag to prove I love them. Strength isn't how many punches you can take. It's stepping out of the ring, and realizing you never had to fight that hard just to be loved.

#alanon #addiction #recovery #sober

https://t.co/fQu8ceWcKq

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

@PaulCalafiore_ Why are you never sitting like that when I’m around?

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

Sometimes being needed feels so much like belonging that we stop noticing the difference.

#alanon #recovery #sober

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

🏆 WORLD RECORD! 🛼🌎

39.5 seconds. Nonstop rotation. One incredible partner.

On October 25, 2026, Noa Ogden and I set a new world record at Six Flags Magic Mountain in Valencia, California!

Official RecordSetter title: Longest Headbanger Spin on Roller Skates.

For 39.5 seconds, I spun continuously on quad roller skates while holding Noa by the ankles, with her entire body suspended off the ground, flying just inches above the stage.

No harnesses. No rigging. No assistance. Just two athletes, years of training, and a whole lot of trust.

The headbanger, also known as the bounce spin, is one of the most dangerous and spectacular tricks in pair skating. It’s a move that requires absolute precision, strength, timing, and trust between partners.

I’ve spent much of my life on skates, performing, competing, and pushing the boundaries of what’s possible. To still be setting records at 51 years old is something I’m incredibly proud of.

And I couldn’t have done this without my amazing partner, Noa. ❤️

A huge thank you to Six Flags Magic Mountain and everyone who has been part of this journey.

The record is now listed on RecordSetter, and the challenge is officially open!

39.5 seconds. Think you can beat it? 😉

#WorldRecord #RecordSetter #RollerSkating #Headbanger #SixFlagsMagicMountain

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

In case you didn’t know… I’m also a stuntman and professional athlete.

This is my final week performing at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Three stunt shows a night, and on Sunday, the stage goes dark.

And yesterday, I broke a new WORLD RECORD! 🏆

https://t.co/xAnuDvcHai

Of course, I can’t help but look at this moment through the lens of codependency, recovery, and my former partner’s addiction.

I spent fourteen years confusing endurance with love. Believing that if I could just hold on a little longer, push a little harder, or withstand a little more, somehow everything would work out.

As an athlete, endurance has always been one of my greatest strengths.

In my personal life, it became one of my greatest weaknesses.

I’m learning that strength isn’t always about how long you can hold on.

Sometimes, it’s knowing when to let go.

Ending something on time, whether it’s a show or a story, is its own kind of strength.

#rollerskating #WorldRecord #Alanon #sobriety #sober #addiction #recovery #codependency

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

I Didn’t Want to Leave Jail.

I still can’t believe I’m writing those words.

In Part One, I shared how I ended up in jail at 50 years old. But what happened during those four days was something I never could have imagined.

I walked into a room with 48 men, absolutely terrified. I was convinced someone was going to hurt me.

Instead, I found kindness. Friendship. Laughter. Some surprisingly good coffee. And a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in years.

I met people who changed the way I look at addiction, forgiveness, and even myself.

I also came face to face with something I’d spent years avoiding.

My own life had become unmanageable while I was desperately trying to manage someone else’s.

And when they finally called my name to leave?

I didn’t want to go.

This is probably one of the most personal, emotional, and unexpectedly funny stories I’ve ever shared. And there’s a friendship in this chapter that still breaks my heart.

Part Two of I Loved You Sober is now live on Substack.

Swipe through for a few moments from the story, then read the full chapter at the link:

Substack: https://t.co/02ttbwaKf7

YouTube Community: https://t.co/BWbkbfPhYb

Here’s to hope. ❤️

#ILovedYouSober #AlAnon #AddictionRecovery #Codependency #RecoveryJourney

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

“I was drowning, and they still criticized the way I swam.”

That was the day I stopped explaining myself.

#alanon #recovery #sober #ilovedyousober

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

I spent fourteen years trying to get him to understand me. I'm learning that I don't need his understanding to move forward.

#alanon #addiction #recovery

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

The Family Stone in October
I just watched the Christmas movie The Family Stone.
I know. It’s October. lol.
For fourteen Christmas seasons, my ex and I watched this movie together. Every single year. It was one of our traditions. One of those things we just did. No discussion needed.
Tonight I watched it with my skating partner.
And wow. I wasn’t expecting how hard it would hit me.
It’s strange how a movie can take you right back to a life that doesn’t exist anymore. The memories, the holidays, the traditions. The little things that made up fourteen years together.
And I miss those things.
I miss parts of our life. I miss the good memories. And sometimes I even miss him.
There. I said it.
And I think that’s okay.
I’ve spent so much time trying to move forward, trying to find peace, trying to get to this place everyone talks about in recovery. Serenity.
But I’m realizing I can’t rush it.
I can’t rush the sadness away. I can’t force myself to feel better just because I know I’m making the right decisions for my life.
And I don’t have to turn every sad moment into some big lesson about growth.
Sometimes it’s just sad.
I’m allowing myself to feel that sadness. Not embrace it. Not live in it. Just acknowledge that it’s there.
Because fourteen years don’t disappear just because the relationship ended.
I’m going to feel better when I feel better.
And for tonight, that’s enough.
Here’s to giving myself a break.

More stories on my Substack: https://t.co/5US5kBAEHX

#alanon #sober #recovery

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

They give the family ONE day.

One three hour counseling session, and then you're supposed to hold onto that for the rest of your life.

We talked about the side of addiction nobody covers: what it does to the people who love the addict.

This is from my episode of Recovery Unfiltered with Nick and Will. The full interview drops Friday, October 16th at midnight.

Check it out: https://t.co/OyaHPU0SLC

Posts Friday at midnight ^^^

#AlAnon #AddictionRecovery #Codependency #LovedOnesOfAddicts #RecoveryUnfiltered

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

He didn't look like an addict. He looked like the man I loved. That's why I stayed. And that's what I had to unlearn. Swipe through. Full essay at the link. If you've ever loved someone through addiction, this one's for you.

https://t.co/5US5kBAEHX

#alanon #lovedonesofaddicts #addictionrecovery #codependency #memoir #healingjourney #letgo #recoveryispossible

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

I spent years waiting for someone I loved to hit rock bottom.

I thought maybe that would be the moment everything changed.

The drugs.
The disappearances.
The chaos.
The lies.
The fear.

I kept thinking, “Surely this is it.”

But somehow, there was always another bottom.

What I didn’t understand was that while I was watching his life unravel, mine was unraveling too.

And eventually, I hit the bottom I had been waiting for him to reach.

This story is about that moment.

About loving someone with addiction.
About what happens to the person standing beside them.
And about the painful realization that sometimes the person you have to save is yourself.

My newest piece is live:

“I Kept Waiting for Him to Hit Rock Bottom. Then I Beat Him There.”

Read it on Substack:
https://t.co/n5RSJFZBVt ❤️

#ILovedYouSober #Addiction #Recovery #AlAnon #Codependency #LovingAnAddict #FamilyRecovery #MentalHealth #LettingGo #Healing #RecoveryJourney #Substack

[Ryan Allen Carrillo @RyanACarrillo]

I spent years trying to understand what was happening to him.

I didn’t notice what was happening to me.

I’m writing about loving someone through addiction, losing myself in the process, and what recovery looks like for the people who love the addict too.

I LOVED YOU SOBER ❤️

https://t.co/WocOpCTnwo