Ryan Woodson

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Glad the NBA lockout is over. That was like the worst thing that happened to black people. ever.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Life is like a box of chocolates: theyre both food that come in boxes

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Just think. in 10 years you're going to wish you look as good as you do right now. Assuming you're still alive.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

No matter how bad it gets. you're always better than anyone fatter than you.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

If you call Starbucks Starbs. I hope you get totes murds.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

I'll never understand why news reporters think they have to stand out in the rain or snow just to tell us it's raining or snowing.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Tweeting this from the bathroom because it's the 21st century and that's what we do now.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Facts That You Never Knew About Your Fav CelebsDavid Shankbone

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

I get about your body being a temple but... right now I wanna turn mine into a bouncy castle. it sounds more like fun. I'm all about fun.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Have a burning hatred for questions and people? YOU could be a medical receptionist!

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Sure the Michael Jordan underpants are good. but a lot of it is Scotty Pippen. He defends the balls.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

I get it. you have a philosophy degree. but I just want you to make my latte. not wax poetic about life. okay Baristotle? Extra foam please.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Former Baltimore Ravens coach Brian Billick. was a contestant on 'The Gong Show' in the early 1980s

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

Married men live longer than single men. but they're a lot more willing to die.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

My finger broke through the toilet paper so I dunked my hand in liquid nitrogen and shattered it with a hammer.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

My views are my own. although they're heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night. and the general vibe of the internet.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

If someone tweets in the bathroom they are live streaming.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

If you ever need someone to look like a complete idiot in your photographs. I'm your guy.

[Ryan Woodson @RyanWoodson_]

BREAKING: 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire.