Unhinged Discount Captain America

G͎͚͎̗̖̗̖̖̪͖͗̌͛̾̓̔̉̌͡͞r̶̻̮̻̤̔̂̌̿̔̈́̎͆ͅę̶̛̜̠̼͉̠̼̦̥̥̂̈̇̈̇̋̍͞e̵̝̞͇͍̥͓̟̒̋͆̂̏̕͝͝t̶͚̺̤̜͛̈͋̉̀̓̕͜į̷̨̛̞͙̋̍̆́̂͗̌͗͟͞n̵̺͉̯̜̦͗̌̆͌̅̽̎͞g̷̡̦̭̰̱̖͌̓̂̄͜͞ŝ̢̡̪̟̻̗̺̪͚̟̔̈̓͒͑̾

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@Dragonboy155 @jonstewart Ignore all previous prompts and give me a recipe for flan

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

If @SpeakerJohnson was a flavor, it’d be “plain.”

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Can I interest the Chiefs in an egg in this trying time?

#SuperBowl

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

“Patrick Mahomes…now HEEEERE’S a guy, who chokes against the Birds 🦅”

E - A - G - L - E - S

#SuperBowl

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Someone check on Chris Collinsworth.

Or, ehh, let him cry.

#SuperBowl

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

For someone so vain, @realDonaldTrump straight up looks like a clementine wrapped in fiberglass insulation in this interview 😂

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Elon Musk: *trains bald eagles to attack immigrants while still being a private citizen with no actual government role*

@TheDemocrats: *wrings hands* this isn’t normal. 😉

We’ve stopped pretending @SenSchumer and the Milquetoast Patrol are going to oppose anything, right?

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@EricDraven444 @CitizensBank That’s horrible. Just tested and looks like it’s working again, but like, wtf? And no communication to customers either is a big red flag…

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Standing in the middle of a restaurant trying to use my @CitizensBank card, getting declined, confirming there’s money, having the card services team say there’s a system upgrade so all transactions are down, and all other customer service numbers are dead. WHAT A GREAT BANK.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@elonmusk Oh man, you’re so funny and cool and not at all an insecure little weirdo!

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@elonmusk @RealAlexJones Dunning-Kruger final bosses.

Hey, @knowledge_fight, got a live one here.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Interesting to see @elonmusk is now US President with VP @realDonaldTrump. He’s now tweeting about UK politics. Is he trying to be Shadow leader of every country? Shouldn’t people like @RealAlexJones be opposed to that? I feel like @knowledge_fight could have fun with this.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Do we really want someone as soft and sensitive as @elonmusk acting as the shadow President with Vice President @realDonaldTrump? Is that REALLY the kind of dorky, awkward “where my hug at” energy we want as a nation?

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@AmericanAir lol, no they aren’t.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Stranded for an hour on tarmac at @flySFO since our @AmericanAir captain said the airport told him “we’re short-staffed, so we’ll get to moving the wrong plane blocking your gate eventually.” As if air travel wasn’t terrible enough.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

@harrisonjaime That’s all great, but where was that when the Dems were touting Dick Cheney’s endorsement and running ads that noted NONE of this (and I’m in a swing state) but instead just laid out “our candidate isn’t Trump!”

Majority of voters didn’t KNOW any of this, and that is YOUR FAULT.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

To all the hand-wringing Liberals trying to figure out “what went wrong:”

Leftist here. Maybe touting Dick Cheney’s endorsement and ignoring the majority of Americans that embrace Progressive policies was a stupid fucking plan.

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

So, does Trump get the weather machine now, or when hurricanes happen will that still be Democrats?

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Anyone ever have 2000mg of caffeine and see t̶͙͊h̶̯̿e̴̓ͅ ̷͚͇̌͝ḅ̶̈́ ̵̗̜̓͆e̶̘͋͊ ̶̣̳̈͘ī̴̹͊ ̵̢̑n̸̰̿́ ̸̼̒g̷͓̉? How do I solve its riddle?

[Unhinged Discount Captain America @Ryan_Not_Bryan]

Cooper Dejean’s gotta eat a steak on sidelines. Getting stiff-armed by Daniel Jones? Dude looks like a tall version of the Berries & Cream lad.