Ryan

[Spencer Hakimian @SpencerHakimian]

We’re about to spend $300,000,000,000 rebuilding Iran after spending $80,000,000,000 destroying it, while telling Americans on Medicaid to take a hike.

America First.

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I know it’s become pretty cliche and cringey to talk about at this point but if you’re under like 25 I cannot stress enough how one time Obama wore a tan suit and people spent a week arguing over whether or not it was demeaning to the Oval Office and they were serious about it.

[Captain Obvious™️ @TheFungi669]

I hate to admit this but Trump was right.

He said that if I vote for Kamala Harris gas prices, groceries prices and my utility bills will go through the roof.

I voted for Harris and my gas, groceries and utility bills have gone through the roof.

[Johnny AGI @JohnnyAGI]

They loved Marjorie Taylor Greene, now they hate her.

They loved Thomas Massie, now they hate him.

They loved Lauren Boebert, now they hate her.

They made fun of Biden for nodding off ("Sleepy Joe), now they ignore Trump outright falling asleep.

They put "I Did That" Biden stickers on high gas prices, now they ignore gas prices being even higher.

They bragged about Trump being the no wars President, now they support war.

They bashed Biden for sending money to Ukraine, now they ignore Trump sending money to both Ukraine and Israel.

They demanded the Epstein files, now they bash anyone asking for the Epstein files.

To be a MAGA is to be a slave.

Not physically, but mentally.

They stand for nothing.

We're up against people who stand for nothing.

And with the most misplaced confidence you've ever seen, they try to tell us whats-what.

We shouldn't even acknowledge these people.

The Trump supporters that remain are mentally too far gone.

I don't even want to argue with them anymore.

[Viva La Stool @VivaLaStool]

“Being married to your true partner and having a good marriage is a superpower in life. Where it’s like you feel like every problem can be beaten because there’s two of you… If I have a problem she has a problem, if she has a problem I have a problem and we tackle it together. Knowing someone who always has your back is a superpower” -@BarstoolBigCat

[Coby Bryant @_CobyBryant_]

🫡

[Daniel Berk @danielcberk]

Spotify needs to release a “kids” setting so I can play all the songs my kids listen to without it affecting my own Discovery algorithm.

Insane that I can’t do this already.

My Discover Weekly is just nursery songs and Moana.

@Spotify please fix this.

[Washington Examiner @dcexaminer]

OPINION: Imagine it was someone other than President Donald Trump. Suppose a different leader were posting deranged rants in the small hours, insulting the spiritual leader of 1.3 billion Catholics, threatening entire civilizations with annihilation, and comparing himself to God. What would be the reaction?

MORE: https://t.co/AXUW788gkG

[Bruce Arthur @bruce_arthur]

JD Vance is lecturing the Pope on Catholicism and Pierre Poilievre is lecturing Mark Carney on economics and RFK Jr is lecturing scientists about vaccines and Donald Trump is lecturing the world on tariffs and Pete Hegseth is quoting Pulp Fiction and thinking it’s the Bible

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

The Vice President is abroad campaigning for a dictator.

The President is threatening to wipe out an entire civilization.

Congress is on recess.

This is a total collapse of American moral leadership — at a historic scale.

[John Pavlovitz @johnpavlovitz]

The. Strait. Was. Already. Opened. When. He. Started. This. Shit. You. MAGA. Dummies.

[Governor Newsom Press Office @GovPressOffice]

While you're paying billions more at the gas pump, Trump's allies are cashing in.

[Anthony Scaramucci @Scaramucci]

Actual quotes from President Trump:

Trump’s “victory timeline” claims.

Mar 3: "We won the war."
Mar 7: "We defeated Iran."
Mar 9: "We must attack Iran."
Mar 9: "The war is ending almost completely, and very beautifully.
March 10: practically nothing left to target
Mar 11: “You never like to say too ⁠early you won. We won. In ​the first hour it was over.” Mar 12: "We did win, but we haven't won completely yet."
Mar 13: "We won the war."
Mar 14: "Please help us."
Mar 15: "If you don't help us, I will certainly remember it."
Mar 16: "Actually, we don't need any help at all."
Mar 16: "I was just testing to see who's listening to me."
Mar 16: "If NATO doesn't help, they will suffer something very bad."
Mar 17: "We neither need nor want NATO's help."
Mar 17: "I don't need Congressional approval to withdraw from NATO."
Mar 18: "Our allies must cooperate in reopening the Strait of Hormuz."
Mar 19: "US allies need to get a grip - step up and help open the Strait of Hormuz."
Mar 20: "NATO are cowards."
Mar 21: "The Strait of Hormuz must be protected by the countries that use it. We don't use it, we don't need to open it."
Mar 22: "This is the last time. I will give Iran 48 hours. Open the strait"
Mar 22: "Iran is Dead"

Mar 23: "We had very good and productive talks with Iran."
Mar 24: "We’re making progress."
Mar 25: “They gave us a present and the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.” Mar 26: "Make a deal, or we’ll just keep blowing them away."
Mar 27: "We don’t have to be there for NATO."
Mar 28: No major quote
Mar 29: Claimed talks were progressing
Mar 30: "Open the Strait of Hormuz immediately, or face devastating consequences."
Mar 31: Claimed a deal was "very close" and that Iran would "do the right thing"
Apr 1: "We’ll see what happens very soon."
Apr 2: Repeated that a deal was likely, while warning of continued strikes if not
Apr 3: "Something big is going to happen."
Apr 4: Said Iran must comply "immediately" or face further consequences.

Apr 5: "Open the fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah."
April 6 :a whole civilization will die
April 7: total and complete victory
April8: objectives were met

A true disaster

[Jon Favreau @jonfavs]

You blew up an elementary school

[Dan Pfeiffer @danpfeiffer]

It's amusing to watch the same people who went from "No Foreign Wars" to "Yay, Foreign Wars" also go from "Never speak ill of the dead" to "Yay, Mueller is dead" all in the same month

[Home of the Brave @OfTheBraveUSA]

JD Vance in September 2025: "If you celebrate Charlie Kirk's death, you should not be protected from being fired for being a disgusting person."

[Jon Aguiar @JonAguiar]

We spent the last 9 months raiding Home Depot parking lots instead of arresting anyone from the massive network of Iranian terrorist cells?

[Peter Baker @peterbakernyt]

In the 13 months since Trump took office, the economy has created a net total of 198,000 jobs compared with 1.4 million created in the last 13 months of the Biden administration. https://t.co/DHGD6h2pmF

[Alex Kane @alexbkane]

A New York Times investigation indicates that it was a US strike on an Iranian school that killed 175 people, mostly children. https://t.co/YoR5WY3bWn

[Amir @AmirAminiMD]

I had a feeling my neighbor is going to steal my car.
So I stole his car first. And kidnapped his children. Then burned down his house. Everything is normal.