never been that nervous to ask someone out but giving my number to a late sixty’s something regular at work who comes in every saturday and goes to the belcourt almost daily if i can join him sometime soon? about blacked out. he said yes, btw. life is worth living.
i saw a tweet two summers ago that said ‘i finally figured out what scares me about JoJo Siwa…she has magician energy’ and ever since then once a week i wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it.
every time i watch star wars i just get really sad because it’s a constant reminder that ill always be an only child and never get the chance to fall in love with my sister :(.
i fucking love greek yogurt. however much you love it, i love it twice that. gonna name my first born Chobani. then gonna get a rabbit and name it Chobunni. then gonna open a vietnamese sandwich shop/greek yogurt combo and call it Cho-Banh-mi. then
three years ago, in a very public setting, i found out it wasn’t everyone’s childhood experience to BOTH steal their cat’s dry food for a fun snack OR eat the ends of used matches. like these were unique experiences to me and the group made that clear and i’m stronger for it.
ever walk into the gym and your coach says ‘are you following the calorie plan for training, your face looks thin?’ and you immediately say ‘yeah but ass still fat’ and give it a smack only to find a six year old boy DIRECTLY behind you as you watch the light leaves his eyes.
so i show up to Kohl’s, fully prepped and cleaned out, ass COMPLETELY exposed in my hospital gown only to be told they’re no longer or have never offered Kohlonoscopies!?!? years of kohls cash hoarding and FOR WHAT.