we can only ascend as near to God as we are willing to plume the depths of our human depravity, name it, and repent of it. Christ descended into Hell and is now seated at the right hand of God, do we think ourselves above the need to descend so that we may be transformed?
I'm guessing I was presomptuous to think I deserve communion like that, but it's impressive how quickly I go from peaceful to filled with rage when out of nowhere I end up not being able to take communion, it's like you could hear the cartoon glass breaking sound effect
The worst so far, which brought me to my first grave sin since the baptism, was this priest at Notre Dame de Paris who, probably because I didnt say amen loud enough (after bowing, putting together my hands the right way, saying amen though maybe too silently) refused it
I've always been kinda avoidant or at least thrown off by the idea of depending on people, it led to me suffering from my own seclusion, but through this with God I was meant to purify this trait, I wanted to be neither dependant or isolated, submissive or fugitive
It's even ironic, almost as if Satan immediately rushed with the fake light to set the newly baptized astray. Among other reasons I came to God because elsewhere I saw only vice desperation and hate, why did I try to find hope in humanity a second time ? Of course it was vain
I dont even quite hate humanity, but I had already made my mind up numerous time, whatever I was looking for or expecting from other people, even as seemingly basic as trust in the other be it a stranger, friend or family, I could not find, why go back to a dry well ?
God played uninspired authors when he made a dad birth a son who leads all the people around to joke that he came from the postman, yet inherits so many of his traits
Going abroad without speaking the local language gives you access to this wonderful state that I imagine autists live in where at the price of becoming a bit isolated you reach full peace of mind as the social rules barely matter anymore
If you see a group comprised of two fat men one skinny man larping as a hood guy, an adult woman with lots of wrinkles and artificially straightened hair dyed either full black or full blonde, and finally two to three kids with at least two boys who seem slightly annoyed...