shann

[trash jones @jzux]

i eat popcorn like someone is going to take it away from me and then kill me

[Jaimie @mountainwesttax]

me: today is the day I stop letting my toddler eat only fruit and bread

two hours later

me: yes m’lord. sorry for the egg m’lord. here is your third tortilla m’lord

[lonnie @aubreyplazawyd]

The coworker I hate doordashed a fucking crab boil today

[˖ Ridhima 𓂀 ݁˖ @ridhima_z]

The reason margaritas taste so good is because they are a spiritually safe drink

They have a salt circle that wards off evil

[Joshwelt @weltszzn]

Ideally life should feel like Animal Crossing. You’re hanging out. Going to the beach. Eating fresh fruit. You are a little in a hole financially but it’s fine

[YBG Don @cocotresco]

If you die in wordle you die in real life

[MS.YB$🐍 @toriii4x]

man I know how to blow some fucking money😭

[addy ❦ @dopestgiirl]

how do i shoplift online omg plz

[museofthesun @solarystix]

I started sleeping on my back again because I like the skin benefits but now I’m traveling through the astrals….so at what cost.

[tweet davidson @andyreed]

pronouncing gen ai like forrest gump

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

i miss the days when you can screenshot on your iphone without taking the survey afterwards 😭

[New York Post @nypost]

A one-armed woman has gone mega-viral after she quickly refuted a cop’s claim that she was driving with a phone in her “right hand.”

[FakeAssCherylLynn @bigfairee]

Akon really opened that Gwen Stefani song with WOOHOO! YEEEHOO!

[Morning Brew ☕️ @MorningBrew]

become ungovernable

[yearnie mac @KNGSHxT]

He got that shit on omg

[HTHAZE @hthaze]

Naan is so delicious they should have named it Yaay

[Jonah Allon @JonahAllon]

they’re getting a taste of beach weather. now make the holiday weekend cool and rainy