ShitMyMILDoes

Let me tell you about my Mother In Law

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

You asked me to open the windows to keep it cooler in the house so now I'm going to play dumb and just leave them open while the heat comes on.

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I put sugar and a pile of whipped cream on my strawberries. I have to pay all of my insurance premiums now and am broke. #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Oh you're only home once a week to watch Maddow? I always watch tv in my room, but on those nights, I'll watch it in the living room so you can't.

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I discovered my daughter after 55 years! It only took her losing her job and now working two to realize she does a lot for me!

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

In fact, I don't pay the electric bill at all, you do!

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I closed the blinds and turned the lights on today! It was sunny! I don't have any money! #MAGA #AMA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Here I come to poke at your food.

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I'm going to move the trash cans up close against your car before you leave for work so you have trouble getting out because tomorrow is TRASH DAY DON'T FORGET! #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Are you trying to get ready for work, and cook? Let me do the dishes and walk slowly in front of you as you try to get things done!

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I've found that the secret to a good canned soup is to put it in a pot and let it sit for hours at room temperature. #MAGA #AMA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Why are you playing NPR where I can hear it?!?!? I don't want to hear facts!!

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I can't see, but I'm writing myself notes and wearing glasses.
Blind people wear glasses, right?

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

A new MAN moved in next door and I've already got him taking me to the grocery store and coddling me! #MAGA #AMA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

https://t.co/dkJxmjgPu2

What are you saying? #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I turned the outside lights on. My work for today is done. #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

If I go outside after dark, no one can see me with my accoutrements that I use to get people to feel sorry for me. #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

I don't feel like going outside today. Did you check the mail? #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Currently taking half a cake and a glass of Perrier back to my room. #MAGA

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Just hanging out, making sure the cat eats the dry food my daughter doesn't want him eating.

[ShitMyMILDoes @SMyMILDoes]

Did you just get the mail in your flip flops? I had my cane, my phone, my medic alert, my glasses... I was all ready.