My uncle told me about something that happened at the grocery store last week and I'm still dying
He's in line at Target buying cat food. Then this woman behind him asked "Do you have a cat"
He said something in him just snapped. So he decided to mess with her a lil.
No, actually, he said, dead serious. I'm restarting the cat food diet. I know I shouldn't because I ended up in the ER last time, but I lost 60 pounds before I woke up in the ICU with tubes everywhere.
The woman's eyes go wide. Everyone in the checkout lane is listening now.
He keeps going. "It's honestly the perfect diet. You just fill your pockets with kibble and eat a few pieces whenever you're hungry. It's nutritionally complete, so it works. I'm committed to trying again."
The woman looks horrified. You ended up in the ICU because the cat food poisoned you?
"Oh no," my uncle says. "I stepped off the sidewalk to sniff another cat's butt and got hit by a bus."
The guy behind her literally grabbed the conveyor belt laughing. The cashier couldn't scan anything for 30 seconds.
My uncle paid and left like nothing happened.
An elderly man accidentally rear-ended a brand-new sports car.
The young driver jumped out, furious.
“LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR! You owe me $10,000 right now, or I’m going to beat you half to death!”
The old man looked shaken.
“Oh my goodness,” he said. “I don’t have that kind of money. Let me call my son — he trains dolphins. He’ll know what to do.”
“DOLPHINS?” the guy scoffed, rolling his eyes.
The old man dialed his phone.
Before he could say a word, the angry driver grabbed it.
“So you’re a dolphin trainer, huh?” he barked into the phone.
“Well your old man just wrecked my car. I need ten grand RIGHT NOW — or I’m going to beat BOTH of you to a pulp!”
A calm voice replied, “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
Exactly ten minutes later…
...a Jeep screeched to a stop.
A man stepped out, walked straight up to the bully, and absolutely flattened him, leaving him groaning on the pavement.
Then the man turned to his father and said, “Dad… for the LAST time. I train seals. Navy seals. Not dolphins.”
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