Stuff My Mom Says

My mom has lost her mind.

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"how can your dad use a laptop when he has no lap?"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"I'm going to start calling you DUMBledore"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"You just wait til a cop pulls you over on a bad day. Like when his boss just chewed him out. Or his hoes aren't paying him his money"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"I wish I could lose 50 lbs right now so I could clip my toenails comfortably"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"why do your teeth hurt? Probably because you need to pee"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

"mom what does 'hola' mean?"
"hello and goodbye"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

If anyone comes to our house (at any time of day) and opens the microwave, there's a 98% chance mom's morning coffee is still in there.

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

::As we clean the living room:: "Don't forget to clean under the sink!" (She meant the chair)

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

Me: "she said 'baggels' instead of bagels'"
Mom: "you and your brother will use that for code now"
Me:"code for what?"
Mom"...shut up"

[Stuff My Mom Says @SPEDTalk]

(trying to quote Yoda) "Try or try not. There is no try"