Well well well… look what the cat dragged in. Born in Rome to the von Kuenssberg dynasty, it's the one and only Laura Kuenssberg. Where shall we start, eh?
Oh how wonderfully marvellous! Now that you're here, let's drag your rancid carcass through the sewer of your so-called "career" one more time, shall we?
It all began so gloriously in 1976 when you entered this world not on British soil, but in Rome, Italy, to the von Kuenssberg dynasty. Austrian nobility tracing to 1149. Old money. Older than the United Kingdom you pretend to serve. From that charming continental debut it was only a short, elegant step to Kelvinside, Glasgow's most gilded postcode, then Laurel Bank School (private, naturally), Edinburgh University, and Georgetown in Washington D.C. The establishment didn't just write your script. They bound it in leather and had it delivered by hand.
Your father Nick Kuenssberg OBE, director of Bank of Scotland, Standard Life, Scottish Power. Your mother Sally Kuenssberg CBE. Your grandfather Lord Robertson, High Court judge. Your great-uncle Sir James Robertson, last colonial Governor-General of Nigeria. Your brother, Director General at the Home Office. Your sister, former high commissioner to Mozambique, now at Shell. Your husband James Kelly, management consultant, Harvard. The Kuenssbergs don't have connections. They are the connection.
But of course, darling, mere aristocratic privilege was never going to be enough for a talent as special as yours. You required £290,000 per year of public money for the privilege of your presence. The licence fee. The tax on every television in the land. And yet, somehow, you still required a bodyguard at the 2017 Labour Party conference. The working classes you lecture threatened your safety. Poor Laura. The foreign-born aristocrat who fears the natives.
And then, the masterpiece. In January 2017 the BBC Trust ruled against you. Officially. They found you breached accuracy and impartiality guidelines. You reported on Jeremy Corbyn's views on shoot-to-kill after the Paris terror attacks. You misrepresented his words. Used an answer to a different question as though it were his answer on terror. Made him appear opposed to protecting British citizens. Falsified a political leader's position on terrorism during a national security crisis. The BBC Trust called it "not duly accurate." A breach at a time of "extreme national concern." Your employer found you guilty of fabrication. A found fabricator. On the public dime.
You didn't stop there, of course. You tweeted that Omar Salem was a Labour activist. The father with the sick child in the hospital ward. The man who confronted Johnson about NHS cuts. You fed him to the wolves. Deleted the tweet. Apologised. The damage done. This is how you treat the public you claim to serve.
Then the Boris Johnson gaffe. You sent your briefing notes to Johnson by mistake. The interview cancelled. You called it embarrassing. The BBC called it untenable. You are too incompetent to deceive properly.
And now, darling, here you are in 2026, still clutching your £290,000 microphone, still explaining British politics to the British from your East London home, still the Italian-born von Kuenssberg who falsifies terror policy for narrative.
Bless your heart.
You absolute, rancid, establishment whore of a woman.
The British people have quite frankly had more than enough of your rancid, poisonous carcass. So do be a dear and slither back into whatever pathetic little sewer the BBC should have flushed your toxic arse down years ago. One truly wonders why anyone still wastes breath on a clapped-out fabricator like you.
Whatever next?
SUPERB! Trevor Phillip's BEAUTIFULLY exposes David Lammy and Labour's sickening hypocrisy.
He shows him the receipts of them ALL saying it's ok to feel "fury" and "anger" over George Floyd, while they criticise Farage for saying the same about Henry Nowak.
Satisfying to watch.
This is what they’ve done to Makerfield.
Welcome to the constituency, now home to 380 illegal boat migrants.
While local families struggle with housing, waiting lists, and pressure on services, the government keeps ferrying in thousands more with no end in sight.
This isn’t compassion. It’s madness.
British people and British communities should come first.
Reform UK will stop the boats, deport the illegals, and put our own people first again.
Time to take our country back. 🇬🇧
This is deeply troubling. I hope my union - @fbunational - will explain to fire service bosses that firefighters must be free to express their political views without fear of sanction by their employer. @manchesterfire has seriously overstepped the mark here.
🚨🇪🇺🇦🇲 Macron: Russian interference in Armenia’s elections is MASSIVE.
If it favors Russia, EU may reject the result.
Translation: "If it's pro-EU, it's democracy. If it's pro-Russia, it's foreign interference."
How can a Secretary of State for Justice state unequivocally that he does not believe that people should be treated equally under the Law in a democracy and keep his job?
Or remain as a barrister?
This is the real Andy Burnham.
He promised affordable housing, then diverted hundreds of millions in taxpayer funding to one developer's property empire.
Do not go to a police interview without legal representation.
Ensure that your legal representative has full disclosure of what you're accused of.
Don't engage with anything other than "no comment".
Prepare a statement to be read out.
NEVER EVER agree to plead guilty or accept a caution.
These foot soldiers want easy wins, do not give it to them.
Zia Yusef is arguably the best communicator in politics at this very moment in time.
Robert Jenrick is also excellent.
Reform are looking formidable.
@ZiaYusufUK@RobertJenrick
Racism is always discussed as though white people can only be perpetrators and never victims. That is wrong. The law should not see colour. It should see conduct. There must be no hierarchy of victims, no hierarchy of racism and no hierarchy of protection.
Henry Nowaks godmother, I quote - "Shame on the monster who took him, shame on the officers who should've helped him & shame on the organization that trained police to prioritize accusations of racism over a dying man.”
Why hasn’t the Chief Constable of Hampshire police, Alexis Boon, been sacked and lost his pension by now?
The handling of Henry Nowak was bad enough, it’s even worse after the revelations that they attempted to smear him as the aggressor just 3 days after he died.
Unforgivable.
If the Government really wanted to protect kids like they’re claiming, they’d change sentencing to stop paedophiles getting suspended sentences…
They’d stop dirty foreign sex cases being housed in hotels and HMOs next to schools.
Make me wrong, I challenge you.
'Why do you need to briefing to know one of the highest profile murder cases that this country has had?'
@MichelleDewbs grills Labour Peer Lord Foulkes for not knowing about the murder of Rhiannon Whyte.