Matthew Salacuse

I am a photographer.
I wax philosophical, wax poetic and cold wax MC's who tend to act ill.

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

Instead of throwing out my junk I am going to wrap them in FedEx boxes and leave them on my stoop for porch pirates to deal with

[MATT RUBY @mattruby]

👀 @salacuse is great at going behind the scenes of standup...some examples from the nyc scene: https://t.co/g1SJJYzndA

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

This is apex moment of NYC doorman chitchat #knicksIn5

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

Idea for summer 2026: start an outdoor drinking/theatrical event. Call it
Shakes-beer In The Park: to pee or not to pee

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@memechaotic Played by Robert Downey Jr

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

Chubby Checker sounds more like a job than it does a name

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@DroMeta *have and have knots

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

WNBA being investigated for making a basket

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

Tomorrow we are taking to the streets for all the Short Kings!

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

I went to a PTA meeting at my kid’s school this morning and boy was I disappointed that there was little to no talk about his latest offering One Battle After Another

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

In 20 years someone is going to find an old ticket stub and say “wow! Can you believe it was only $383 dollars to go see a concert?”

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

I just realized what Cole Escola’s triumphant 2027 sophomore return to Broadway is going to be: Jackie Oh!

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@klara_sjo What can brown do for you?

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@mattruby 1. Never had time for a wife
2. Davey in the navy for life
3. Making love to “Tonic”& “Gin” the two male dancers
4.Paul? Come on. You’re not fooling anyone

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

I got to hand it to @nathanfielder , half way through the 2nd season of The Rehearsal I was like “is he gonna land this plane?”

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@earlboykins Thank you, sir

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@SalVulcano Holding space

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@Lenny72Off That’s amazing!! I’m not sure if I’m good or a thief or a hack

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

In 2025 I’d like to see double headliner tour with Lady GaGa and The Goo Goo Dolls
Call it, Goo Goo GaGa

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

If you want to start an argument at the Christmas table quote this @JanetJackson lyric : “privacy is my middle name, my last name is control- No my first name ain’t Baby, it’s Janet.. Ms.Jackson if you’re Nasty”

Making her full name Ms Jackson Privacy Control

[Matthew Salacuse @salacuse]

@Diddy being charged with coercion for his 2004 “Vote Or Die” campaign