CawCaw

Visiting this dying site like a crow, diffident, easily startled
Adult, MDNI, she/it (likes it please use it), might block you if you follow - not personal

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

paralyzing dread again

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

the personal just can't really be political like that i'm sorry you don't know those people

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

i've thought for a while that my suicidal ideation was a sort of harmless thing since after years of thinking it i never saw it materialize into much that was self-harming, but i realized recently wishing to die does keep you from acting like you're going to be alive too.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK this feels so much nicer with the music in the background I'm sold

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK It's really fucking good. It has that kind of stark, daylight horror that's so delicious when you do it right.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK ime, the easiest things are having cybersex with people who started messaging you about eating you when you were fifteen and cleaning your kitchen. One of them is def better than posting.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK I think someone might call this integrating your shadow but idk if they'd be right

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK Like I think women being abrasive and miserable was meant to be like a compromise with the march of feminism, but it kind of just naturalizes the misery.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK I have a notion that the genre kind of takes the articulation of women's suffering and turns it into almost like a divine right of kings thing. Men are stupid but ultimately the protagonists of the world, women's lot is to suffer nobly, eternally.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

I hate suddenly feeling like something terrible is going to happen for no reason -_-

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK oh that is how I read it. I thought it was flirting with someone and saying "boop n_n" to like a dick pic or something

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK There's an art museum in my city. I go to that sometimes. Besides that I walk around, sometimes with people. When I was younger I'd go out drinking, when I was much younger I'd go into the woods and see how far I could go (I'd do the same thing now if I had woods to go into.)

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK A lot of things will pass, too. When I've wanted to escape (I don't know if it's the same feeling, it's like, restlessness but also feeling pressed against a stone wall by another stone wall) sometimes thinking about that has relieved a lot of the tension.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK "auto-snuff film" pun deployed in The New Yorker, quoted in the Guardian, Sun.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK Cannes audience furious at director, unable to do anything with the outrage bc the director has been hit by a car, which is what they're upset about seeing. Mob finds the car and burns it, headlines mention Stravinsky.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK I think you're completely right and I hope more people get it. So much of the propriety games around this is just a failure of nerve, and we'd all be safer if we collectively had more integrity.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

It's like they fell in love with the tragic picture painted by second wave feminism instead of seeing it as something to be overturned. "Sex-based rights" is like something you'd hear from a televangelist's wife.

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

they just never made enough books for what I like. you're supposed to write them then but it's weird when people you respect regard what you'd wanna write with unease. and i'm not great at writing

[CawCaw @SaltsDaughter]

@BeastGodDK I always found this sequence haunting but I never actually thought of it like that. It just always had this like, vertigo-like, breathless quality but you're right it is like, kind of a dizzying promise of escaping to somewhere everyone's laughing forever.