Sam (they/them)

Semi-professional author – queer 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ – tweets may contain NSFW/18+ content

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Football has got to be the gayest sport of all time like why are you, as a man, putting your foot on other men’s balls? Kinda sus.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

How the FUCK is this not satire oh my god 🤣🤣🤣

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Same shit, different century.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Public transportation unironically saved my fuckin life y’all better be supporting that shit

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

@libsoftiktok Absolutely fucking giga-based

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Want to save money? Don’t pay your taxes!

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

My apartment’s ceiling is now leaking a steady drip of water directly in front of (not over) the bathroom sink.
Will the suffering of Italy’s children never end?

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

@uusaint NyQuil chicken. Hell yeah.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

@uusaint Found the the mistake.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Overdosed on Benadryl the other night, horrible experience 2/10 do not recommend.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

It’s a tits out kinda day fr

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Honestly having a vagina is so much work like you gotta feed it and get insurance in case it’s ever damaged in an accident

Meanwhile if you have a penis all you gotta do is clip it every couple weeks and you’re fine

This really says a lot about society

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

My dog has learned how to lie to me, he has become too powerful. Send help.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

“New Covid variants B4 and B5” bro I swear this shit has more spin-offs than a goddamn Disney+ show

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Yeah bro I play chess all the time

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

If I had a nickel for every time a close family member has commented on my tits, I’d have two nickels.
That’s not a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Every day I see more proof that we exist in the worst possible timeline. We are literally in hell.

[NPR @NPR]

BREAKING: The Supreme Court has dealt a major blow to the EPA's power to regulate carbon emissions that cause climate change. https://t.co/ZIME1qcipC

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

If I made a YouTube channel it could conceivably end the known universe

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

[…] #Vote for someone good. Vote for someone who’s experienced the struggles that we’re all being forced to live through and who has the guts to do something about it. Vote for someone who cares. And if you can’t find a candidate like that, then get out and fucking run yourself.

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

Not to get political on main but the #RoeVsWade situation is a perfect example of why we desperately need an actual left-wing party in the US.
This decision comes as the result of decades of voting for spineless #Democrats because the party is the “lesser of two evils” […]

[Sam (they/them) @SamHaywood21]

[…] We deserve better than the hellscape these assholes have made for us. We need to demand better. No more settling.
This November, or whenever the next election near you is, don’t vote blue. Don’t vote for some coward Dem who doesn’t care about you. […]