Sam Reid

Amateur dishwasher. Editor. Producer. TUMS enthusiast.

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

SCIENCE: This is true.

HALF OF AMERICA: No.

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

And now, my moment of zen: Bill Tull using Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to fuck the Wall Street bull

[Brian Stack @BrianStack153]

Like everyone else lucky enough to know and work with Bill Tull, I can't even begin to say how much I loved him and how grateful I'll always be to him for countless reasons. Such a wonderful guy who truly did always deliver the impossible. Rest In Peace, Bill.

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

Normalize giving me a little pat on the head and saying I’m doing a good job

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

Sometimes people ask, "What if Jesus had been aborted?"

That's pretty simple. Mary would have died. The medical technology just wasn't there.

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

I'm not desperate for approval but can I have it

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

If I could have one superpower it would be mind control. Not to control anyone else’s mind, just my own

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

@KellyDiamond_ Based on my twitter feed this is the only thing happening in the world

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

One of my main takeaways from The Sopranos is that Honeycomb is a good cereal that deserves to be in the rotation

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

Wondering if maybe it should be less expensive to not die

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

TUMS, but for your emotions

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

At what age should I start learning a marketable skill

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

@TommyMcNam Tommy thank you for allowing me to see this live, please tackle somebody, it's the new year

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

FREUD: Behold, my life's work.

FREUD'S PARENTS: You sick fuck.

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

I have a hankering for a spankering is this an okay thing to tweet

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

Do you guys think that Scorsese guy ever saw The Godfather

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

After asking someone out, it's important to add a little personal touch by saying something like, "I really need this."

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

Norm forever https://t.co/KpKzz1hfdu

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

I end all my emails by saying "Take care" because it sounds like a veiled threat

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

@NYCTSubway Any update or estimate as to when manhattan bound L train will resume service? Been stuck at the Halsey L stop for a long while

Thank you!

[Sam Reid @SamReidSays]

IDIOT: Why would you want a drug sniffing dog?

ME, A GENIUS: I love dogs and drugs