Raul Pudd

Half-Thai, Whole Butt

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

You wanna take out my generation? Make this into a vape pen where we can finally press down all the colors at once:

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

Michael McDonald walked so Warren G and Nate Dogg could regulate

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

“It’s ok for your grandson to suck at something, especially if it’s magic”
- Me, to my mom, about how bad my nephew is at magic

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

They’re like, paying for their own search and rescue right? We’re not footing the bill on 5 large idiots getting lost in essentially a toy submarine to see a thing that’s been documented from every angle right? Right?

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

Billenium Falcon

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

Yesterday my nephew and I walked to the store to grab some ice cream and when I asked him for a jacket to borrow he gave me a red one that complemented my pants so i could “look drippy at the store” lol i love slang

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

We should have different types of car horns to indicate the following:
Hey! I’m here! 👋
What are you intentions with your vehicle?
Stop doing that
Ooops that one’s my bad
God you suck
No one should have to be on the road with you

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

@timothyjkay Oh Tim i missed you the most

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

I can’t wait until she comes out with a perfume or a new vag candle called Gwynocent or Innothent or some shit

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

I’m breaking my Twitter hiatus to tell you i tried marketing Liquid Death as La Croix For a Boy at the latest soccer match I worked and lemme tell ya it did not work

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

I don’t have Spotify but I can already tell you how much time I’ve spent yell-singing ‘I love you Bitch’ to my boyfriend

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

@herong @mastu52 How How HOW does a person in drag with a donut instill the kind of fear that allows you to light a bottle of alcohol on fire and throw it in a building? Sweet Jesus we are all gonna die because of some dude named Paul who doesn’t understand sunsets

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

Hey if you’re on here bullying ppl with blue checks to pay $8, you suck. You’re helping a man pay a bill. You will receive zero dollars as compensation. You will not be gifted shares. You’re just a bully with a fake invoice and a sense of superiority that doesn’t belong to you

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

@radicalbyte @HailManDorris @blogjam Let’s do it on November 7th so someone has to clean it up on Election Day and maybe be too busy to vote

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

I wish I had a jerk neighbor so tonight when they come by all jerkily with their jerk kids i could say something like, ‘nice costume, i can tell you’re a real jerk’

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

If we’re going to use face-altering CGI for movies might we consider a Schitt’s Creek prequel series, A Little Bit Alexis?

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

Jim Harbaugh’s sideline lewk is somewhere between regional theater stagehand and Steve Jobs for tonight’s game and i applaud his bold choice

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

I was already 15 minutes late today but it was extremely foggy and spooky outside and then Thriller starting playing on the radio so i went ahead and took a jaunt through the cemetery right next door.

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

@SarahLongwell25 I would trust a social worker with any investigation over a cop any day. I wish their mean comments were at least clever

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

If there’s a tweet of yours you wanna keep just print it out and bury it underneath the largest tree in your local cemetery so twitdaddyElon doesn’t bogart it

[Raul Pudd @SamSage555]

@mhdksafa