Sam Leach

Purveyor of tat, crazy mother lady, technological illiterate, with overly ambitious cake eating skills - now with added ferrets 😀

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

If 'procrastination' was a sound, it would be that of a battery-operated pencil sharpener.

I have to give him kudos for his efficiency though - because we'll have to find another pencil when he's worn that one down to a nub 😂

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

Covid: "I'm going out"
Covid's Mum: "It'll end in tiers"

*ba dum tshh*

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

I really wish that I could eat with the joy that a child has - like, their entire face appreciates it!

I want to eat a chocolate cake that's so good that even my ears know about it (How, how did you even get cake there?)

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

"Don't kill Granny" - Advice required.

Whilst my 8yo son is sufficiently heartbroken following the recent death of his gran, it is a tad late for your new slogan to give rise to the level of guilt & culpability that you desire - Could I thus change it to 'Grandpa'?
@MattHancock

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

Osc: "BOOM!"
Me: "Shake, shake, shake the..."
Osc: "Butt?"

Me: *checks pension*

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

"I think that we've handled lockdown really well" - said my child, on his climbing frame...in the living room 😄🤦‍♀️

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

I'm 39 years old. I successfully navigated primary school, high school, college, undergrad and postgrad at university...

"Mummy, is this a phrase?"

*Google*

- "Yeah... probably"🤷‍♀️😬

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

-"Hey Osc, do you want to dye your hair?"
*show him the crepe paper-dye video*

O - "Would YOU be doing it?"

- "Yeah"

O - "Then No!"
*runs off*

Yeah, I can see his logic 🤣

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

Practising fractions with Osc
"Hey, why is 1/5 so stressed?"
- "I don't know"
"Because he's 2/10s" *ba dum tshhh*
- *unimpressed stare* "Are you trying to be funny again?"

Damnit 😆

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

I have high validity and reliability in this area ;)

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

My child lied to me 😳
"Mummy, let's do Silent Reading"
BRILLIANT! YES!
- there was no silence
- there was no reading 😄

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

David Walliams is what you get if you order Roald Dahl from Wish :p

[Sam Leach @Sam_IAm_]

If you're gonna put forward the idea that it's perfectly okay if a few hundred teachers die for the sake of the economy by dehumanizing them... you shouldn't have tried to gain mass public approval AFTER you made us all home school our kids - They've never been more appreciated