sam

[Zag Zino @ZagZino]

@papiwontmiss That kid's whole world just recalibrated. The dog wasn't a pet. He was just... Dave. The guy who lives here and eats stuff off the floor.

[sam @Sam_King372]

linguine xcx be like “I think I’m gonna cook with this mouse”

[RuPaul @RuPaul]

Hard to remain patient with friends who focus solely on their own crucifixion. Get off The Cross, girl... we could use the wood!

[sam @Sam_King372]

.@UPS hates women!!!!

[sam @Sam_King372]

.@UPS I didn’t think “may exceed 25 minutes” meant 4.5 hours+, but I guess that’s my bad for needing help 😭😭

[sam @Sam_King372]

spending my last hours on earth before the rapture on hold 😔

[sam @Sam_King372]

.@UPS I didn’t think “may exceed 25 minutes” meant 4.5 hours+, but I guess that’s my bad for needing help 😭😭

[sam @Sam_King372]

.@UPS I didn’t think “may exceed 25 minutes” meant 4.5 hours+, but I guess that’s my bad for needing help 😭😭

[sam @Sam_King372]

does anyone know a psychiatrist who will prescribe me “time by the sea” so I can pay for it with my HSA?

[sam @Sam_King372]

and ultimately I cannot participate in the wuthering heights discourse since I only read the book because it was bella’s favorite book in twilight

[sam @Sam_King372]

multi factor authenticating and driving

[sam @Sam_King372]

my toast verification code is 381257 if you even care

[sam @Sam_King372]

how it feels to live in saskatchewan today

[sam @Sam_King372]

beat the other jobless employed people in Austin to the quirky coffee shop this morning and didn’t have to wait in line

[Sol 🍂 @autumnpard]

women in HAMSTER (humanities, art, music, social sciences, theatre, economics and rhetoric)

[mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki @moll11y]

Taking adderall to shave my legs

[sam @Sam_King372]

I HATE MONKEYS!!!!!

[charlie @maleapologist]

Someone on r/knitting using “alpaca yarn from temu” babe ur knitting rats at best

[coffee @eventualforever]

very funny that there’s a fandom of teenagers online for House MD. if we try hard enough we can get this done for even more old cable television. let’s run up fancams for the USA Network classic Psych

[sam @Sam_King372]

where are all my LEADED gas freaks!!?

[sam @Sam_King372]

I HATE MONKEYS!!!!!

[sam @Sam_King372]

absolutely enchanted by my 50-something property manager texting me out of the blue about harry in vegas. my brand, my image, this diva.