Sammi

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Kyle (at work): “There’s a big brush fire at 72nd and 370”
Me: “Should I not be worried?”
Kyle: “Yeah”
Instructions unclear..?!

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Just sittin’ here thinking about the era when @russellnotacop was going to work at his job as a police officer missing one of his front teeth 🙃

[Sammi @SammiTron]

@ThaddaeusImmink I mean, he should try being considerate to himself bc he CRAWLED out the front door to meet the paramedics

[Sammi @SammiTron]

As an adult, I’ve been to the ER for myself 0 times. As an adult, Kyle has been to the ER for himself at least 4 times I know of. I say that bc the most recent (Thursday AM) he told 911 “have the ambulance not turn on their lights and sirens, I don’t want my wife to wake up.” 🙃

[Andrew Yang🧢⬆️🇺🇸 @AndrewYang]

If the Democrats had spent as much energy on protecting and preserving or codifying Roe v. Wade as they have in asking for money over the last 48 hours we wouldn’t be facing this situation.

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Lmao you’re really telling me I’m supposed to celebrate “freedom” on the 4th of July? Whose exactly?

[Sammi @SammiTron]

I’m sick for the first time since covid started, but I have a cold. How ✨vintage✨

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Just listened to a news anchor utter the words “a deal with one of the most biggest brands.” I think that’s enough for me today.

[Sammi @SammiTron]

@ThaddaeusImmink I wish 🥲

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Home ownership is a scam bc rn I have a roof with bright pink tarp patches all over it while I wait for it to be repaired from wind damage, but also I just found out that my whole hvac system needs replaced and no you do not want to know how much that costs.

[Sammi @SammiTron]

I’ve lived in my house for over a year and I just recently discovered that I don’t actually live in Papillion. 🙃

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Turns out I have also been driving Kyle’s truck around for 18 days with expired tags. 🙃

[Sammi @SammiTron]

During the wind storm a bunch of my shingles ripped off my roof and then this morning I woke up to my dog barking and my inside garage door wide open. Not to mention Christmas is one week away and I’m not done buying gifts. But am I stressed? ✨absolutely✨

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Customers will really be like “wow, you’re open right now?” when they are literally the ones in the store shopping.

[Sammi @SammiTron]

I have had an Amazon package addressed to Kyle at my door almost every day for the last week. He doesn’t even live here rn. 🙃

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Today I was taking something off a mannequin for a customer and she was like “do I get a discount since it was on the mannequin?” …? You’re making me do extra work AND you want it to cost less?!?

[Sammi @SammiTron]

Some people my age are having kids. I’m designing vacation homes for little anthropomorphic animals that speak gibberish in Animal Crossing. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Sammi @SammiTron]

@AidenBurkitt Idk if I necessarily like dogs more, but when I finally got a dog I also ended up getting a dog for my dog, and then I got an emotional support dog for my dog’s dog. 🙃

[Sammi @SammiTron]

I just realized I’m on my 4th Nintendo switch. I don’t have a problem, you have a problem

[Sammi @SammiTron]

If you have a “choose life” license plate you drive like an asshole, and no, I am not open to arguments.