#ZOMSTㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ
“Twin idols! What a lovely new idea.”
“Aren’t they beautiful? If only they were equally skilled.”
“Yes, what a shame, really. They’ll be forgotten soon enough.”
Even if you love a person so deeply, that paranoia doesnt have a turn off switch.
You have no choice but to be stuck in the loop of hating them and hating your abusers and hating yourself, unable to do anything but push everyone -especially your lover- away until you recover
Even something as honest and raw as a lovers affection becomes painful because you start suspecting that every word of affection comes from a place of eventually wanting to reach your body. Love becomes so ridiculously scary for a while and seeing your lover just kills you inside
And even if you accept it eventually, the worry and suspicion eternally lingers. You can never truly know if someone deep down only has eyes on you for your body.
Even if you love someone to bits, opening back up becomes torturous+
You start hating them for the possibility of their primary goal being lust, and hating yourself for accusing your lover of such thing. That suspicion makes you both shut yourself off and push your lover away and it takes ridiculously long to accept that you are genuinely loved+
// SA mention (?)
I am so sad because Mizi's reaction is simply accurate to what real life sexual trauma survivors go through with their personal relationships.
After being reduced to an object of desire, you start suspecting even your partner/lover only cares about that +
here’s the ref sheet + saree pattern i made for myself while working on this if anyone wants it :p there was going to be jasmine behind her head but it looked kinda silly just floating there at the angle of the final drawing so i ended up forgoing it 😔
"Jax, look. I know we don't get along, but I think I might have found out who the sixteenth student, lying hidden somewhere in this school is. The one they call the Ultimate Despair."