i need to be better, not just for her but for myself. believe in the woman that believes in me, because she does, she cares a lot, and it makes me sad i made the kind and mindful soul hurt as much as i did in complete retrospect. i gotta prove myself to her, for me.
i feel different and i know i can be different, i am being different, im picking up new habits and im willing to better myself but the motivation to is so heart wrenching. i cant bare to see a reality where im not chosen that she at least finds less likely to happen
i unfortunately cant seem to be over it, and i would reserve myself for her till the end of my time is how i feel. i just kept making all these terrible mistakes then, that i now answer to. i have to prove it im better than it, and that im worthy of her vulnerability once again
seeing her is like a breath of fresh air every time, but i always seem to confess and convince and get rejected and it feels like the fresh air turns almost musky and industrial. its the same air it just feels so terribly tainted with something we as a people have caused (me)
i cant imagine being neurotypical nowadays how is the normal posting shit tons of photos to snapchat and instagram of your face or whats in front of you and hookup culture
like this is another reason im losing my shit if i even wanted anyone else #FUCKINGWHO❓❓❓❓❓