Sarah Carson Ford

Below average height
Below average abilities
Actor - Comedian - Writer - ‘all around cool gal’

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

I swear I’m funniest when I’m menstrating

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

@niicecool Omg send please

[Ꮍᴀᴇʟ @elle91]

The anxious urge to say "no worries either way" when you are actually worrying both ways plus a secret third way

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

YTV’s ‘In Real Life’ gave kids tasks that ranged from circus performances to alligator wrestling, yet somehow failed to challenge them to file taxes.

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

Crazy to think how far I’ve come. From being anaphylactic allergic to chic peas, to eating a lot of hummus 7 days a week.

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

Pete Davidson is giving me more Ashton Kutcher energy each day.

[trash jones @jzux]

you’ve heard of elf on a shelf, now get ready for me at my worst

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Why can’t a symptom of Omicron be the inability to gain weight after eating 9 lbs of Christmas ham?

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

all my friends are getting covid and i’m starting to suspect they’re all hanging out without me

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

You can break my heart but it won’t hurt as bad as plucking my nose hairs.

[lesbian joan holloway @niicecool]

nicholas braun if you’re free saturday might do you want to hang out on saturday night when i am free

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

I was today years old when I found out formula 1 isn’t a brand of baby formula milk.

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

I miss Uber pool.

[Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman]

I’m horny for rest

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

Looking for your phone while scrolling on your phone is the new looking for your sunglasses while they’re on your face.

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

@niicecool I’ll add that to my study playlist! Thanks for the recommendation

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

I think I need to stop pre drinking for dates.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Boris Johnson to announce new Covid rules to the public, with Downing Street staff to be briefed on their rules separately.

[Sarah Carson Ford @SarahCarsonFord]

I, for one, am relieved to find out that parliament has been on drugs this whole time. Imagine making the choices they’ve made sober. Damn, that’d be embarrassing.

[Karen Hobbs @karen_hobbs]

I've got a Creative Industries advent calendar. None of the doors will open.

[lili michelle لیلی @lilsmichelle]

“can you send us a writing sample?” no but i can send you multiple screenshots of me killing it in the group chat