Sarah

WHATNO

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Wow now I know why all the guys in the beast's castle were so excited to have one person come over

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Overheard two youths at an antique store
"Yeah if you put Holy water outside your door they won't bother you"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

The Delaware flag is just two guys asking each other "Is this your cow?"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

An 8yr old came to the bus stop dressed as Naruto this morning. He quickly realized that he was the only one in costume and I heard him quietly say "Im making a fool of myself aren't I"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Threw my package on the ground and gave it a couple violent kicks to see if it would survive USPS before I sent it

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Taking 95 home because I want to be stuck in ✨Different✨ traffic today

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Overheard from the two dudes cutting trees next door

Dude 1. Oh man you don't have to stack them like that

Dude 2. Aw, I was trying make them *pretty*

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Ethan: I'm a superhero
Me: Oh yeah? Where's your cape if you're a superhero?
Ethan: My cape is dirty. It's in the laundry......someone pooped on it

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Ethan: We can read these books dere lemonaded (laminated)

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Me: Which book do you want me to read? What about one of those over there?

Ethan (3): Those are......involved

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

It would be hilarious if people approached someone getting married the same way they do single people. "Getting married? Are you sure you feel *called* to that?"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

It is slightly worrying that the boys I watch seem only to want to be bad guys. On the other hand it is hilarious watching them running around the house with a bucket on their head shouting "IM MR. FREEZE!"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

The boys I nanny have gotten into superheroes which is a relief to me because I'd lost all ability to feign interest in the cars movies anymore

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

I keep saying "Huh, I spent a lot on used books this month" when I do my end of month budget like I haven't been doing that for the last year 📚💁

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that you will forget one item everytime you go to home depot

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

Ethan doesn't know how to say "Wakanda" the right way so right now he's running around repeatedly yelling "UGANDA! UGANDA!"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

@JackieHillPerry I too got saved at my church's Youth camp. Our church always had the parents come too if they wanted to. You be standing with your team and go "oh look there's mom"

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

The dad I work for routinely plays jazz music that reminds me of the homeward bound soundtrack. If ya know ya know

[Jonathan E. Chen @wikichen]

Nobody told me home ownership is just driving back and forth between your house and Home Depot until you die

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

It is a fact of life that you will only see amazing yard sales while you are in the way to something and can't stop

[Sarah @SarahPetweets]

6yrold: Miss Sarah a cafeteria lady asked the boy in front of me if he had a credit card and he said "Pay attention. I'm a child"