Jessica Murray

I like dogs, horses, and chocolate. Dreamer. But mostly a Doer.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

If you see me less, it's because I'm doing more.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

The violin is a baller instrument.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Gotta little boom in my big truck 😏

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

The real meaning behind the naming of When we Were Young fest is that when we were young, tix were only $50 to see all those same bands.
#wwwyf

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Producers who cast themselves in a starring role are a whole new level of conceited.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Seeing @FakeDoctors sing with John Travolta has still been my favorite thing yet this Super Bowl.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

But what if she isn’t #pregnant? 😬

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Bold move to do a Kanye song.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

@TVDMjack Absolutely ridiculous he hasn’t cancelled it yet.

[Jack Powers @TVDMjack]

cancel the game, roger. #NFL

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

2023 New Year’s resolution: stop using Spotify’s suggestions.
They’re never good anyway.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

At what point does talking to my cat go from cute to crazy?

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Is having chips and salsa ready at the hand the California equivalent to the east coast coffee cake on standby for company?
.
@SebastianComedy

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

How many quarter-life crises can a person have before it’s just a yearly crisis?

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Does anyone in the twitterverse know what time @MCRofficial show starts tomorrow @thekiaforum? Been trying to talk with @Ticketmaster all day but no one there can give me a straight answer?! Event time says 7, but idk if that’s door open or show start.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Looking for a ska band with Broadway vocals.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

@Ask_Spectrum Classic spectrum putting all the work on the consumer. You’re not sorry. You just want money. If you were really sorry you’d answer to your crimes publicly and refund your customers for all the outages. But I guess I’ll DM you since you leave no other option.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

@Ask_Spectrum trying to download 2 GB and taking 3 hours?! What a fucking joke of a company. Now I will have to work through the night because of your shit service. I would never wish bad things, but I do wish the worst for @GetSpectrum

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

. @zachbraff and @donaIdfaison if you’re still looking for a buddy/ stoner comedy idea, may I suggest a Shrek/quest type movie?

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

Rewatching Les Miserables for the 9th time and realizing the reason I love it is because it’s both a musical and a war movie.

[Jessica Murray @SarcasmByJessi]

I think the real reason parents surprise their kids with Disney the day of, is so they can still sleep the night before.