You cannot spend years breaking a child's spirit and then expect a few words in adulthood to repair what took years to destroy. You cannot teach a child to fear your footsteps, your voice, your moods, and your anger, then expect them to see you as a source of comfort later in life.
Uncommon advice: If you don't know what to pursue in life right now. Pursue yourself. Pursue becoming the healthiest, happiest, most healed, most present, most confident version of yourself. Then the right path will reveal itself.