Sassy Amoeba

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

She called it an N65, then farted in my face, just to make sure I’m completely disgusted. I don’t know which was funnier 😂

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

To throw off your enemies, yell “YOOOO, IT’S YO PLAY TIME” before running into battle. #loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

I’ve never tasted anything that tastes like a seat belt, if you know you know. #loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

My parents had 3 kids by 23 and I can’t even keep my phone charged.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

If you’re driving 60 mph, your odometer is also a clock.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

The best sauces come in sample cups. #Loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Dog person, cat person, doesn’t matter. Everyone loves watching a dogs tail wag.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Even though it’s still quarantine, I feel like it’s sad if my best answer to the question, “What have you been up to?”, is “well I saw a beaver a few days ago!” ... but I still can’t wait to tell every living soul I saw a beaver.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Hulu: You still watching?
Me:

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

What government building CANT he infiltrate. #loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Is it total sushi-sacrilege to wish that some pieces had a nice piece of cooked steak instead of fish?

...cause I think steak, rice, seaweed paper, cream cheese, and spicy sauce would be fire.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

To: Men who are too scared to ask to be the little spoon.

Seriously just go for it. It’s literally heaven and any girl who willing to be the big spoon every once in a while is a keeper.
#loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

@elizabethjoy77 LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

@elizabethjoy77 HEY.

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

@elizabethjoy77 Ho HO!

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

@elizabethjoy77 😂😂😂

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

@elizabethjoy77 Truly starting from the bottom 😂

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

House = Medical drama + Road House. #loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Yeah sex is cool, but have you ever put a leaf in your toilet bowl and tried to pee on it? #loftythoughts

[Sassy Amoeba @SassyAmoeba]

Genie: You have 3 comical wishes.
Me: The ability to allow people to see their eye squiggles at will. A get-out-of-jail-free card to commit one “Florida Man” level crime. And the ability to time travel to any concert in the past but only dressed as Waldo.
#loftythoughts