Lauren

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. YOU HAVE TO CATCH IT YOURSELF. ~Benjamin Franklin

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

Finally listening to @KeshaRose ‘s new album... Father Daughter Dance OUCH. Hit a nerve. 😢

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

✨Math✨

[Neil deGrasse Tyson @neiltyson]

The Leap Day alone overcorrects the calendar, requiring we remove a Leap Day every century year.

But that under-corrects the calendar, requiring we put a Leap Day back in, every four centuries.

Behold the Gregorian Calendar.

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

I’m a grown-ass adult suffering from a severe ear infection. Death would be a welcome release. I now know why kids are assholes when they have them.

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

This guy at the bar made the manager describe all the new beers, and then ordered a Miller Lite. #storyofmylife #isawthiscoming

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

Best Sunday ever

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

@DineshDSouza You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. Such disrespect for both the victims and the survivors.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Hi David! You seem to be struggling to make your fictional European friend sound authentic. Try something a *real* European might say, like 'we don't have armed school guards,' 'we don't sell kids assault rifles' or, more simply, 'don't use me to argue for more guns, Dave.'

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

@ashley_sockks That wasn’t supposed to be a reply

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

@ashley_sockks I’m schnookered

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

"If you wanna find some quality friends, you have to wade through all the dicks first" -- Eric Cartman. #sotrue

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

Had the pause @TheDailyShow and ended up with this. Sorry, @Trevornoah 😂

[AltFDA @alt_fda]

Stasticial data review is a large part of FDA work. That being said, a math joke is always funny.

[AltUSNatParkService @AltNatParkSer]

Tomorrow (1/31) is the last day to enroll in #ObamaCare. If you enroll, you'll be covered for 1 year, even if they repeal the ACA. Pls RT!

[Trevor Noah @Trevornoah]

Wow the audience at Hamilton booed so loud that the news didn't hear about Trump paying $25m to settle his fake university lawsuit.

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

Does anybody know what a blinker is!? #shitdriverssay

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

And a coyote just howled. That's not creepy.

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

I wake up at 3 am every morning like clockwork. I love not sleeping, so fun.

[theBERRY @theberry]

When I find one last ice cream bar in the back of the freezer:

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

@will0wtr33 I've read Hitchhiker's guide, I'll have to check out the rest. I loved it and I want to read it 37 more times.

[Lauren @SassyDaffodils]

@will0wtr33 , or should I say Zaphod Beeblebrox, I love your new twitter name name ❤