Satyre Medical Practice

Satyre Medical Practice - the GP Surgery you want but you can't have.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

We would like to support all the patients at Satyre Medical Practice by reminding them that it is not GPs that can expedite outpatient appointments.

Swap the G to an M.

Your MP will have more of an impact than your GP.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Thank you to NHS UK for the additional 1000 social link workers to help practices.

At 1 per 68000 patients this will be a quick win for GP access.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Dear NHS UK.

We are encouraged to hear you have extended the contract of Crapita despite performance issues and contributing to worsening primary care access.

We will make a note to remind you off this if our contract status is ever called into question as precedent.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Welcome patients to Satyre Medical Practice.

Please note we have a zero tolerance on aggressive behaviour to our staff.

This includes our call in screens. Even the broken ones, because we are all a little broken at times.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Dissemination: which allows the Vaccinator 2000 to be placed in points of interest & vaccinate from a distance using its Vaccination rifle + microchips from the first wave of vaccinations as homing beacons. We await confirmation of this mode being used by the Gov and Facebook 3/3

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Given all the challenges we face with vaccinating several thousand patients in the next two weeks, we feel now is the time to unveil the Vaccinator 2000.

A thread🧵⤵️1/3

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

The Vaccinator 2000 is a robotic vaccination machine that can vaccinate 2000 people a day. The Vaccinator 2000 can be used in two modes.

Stationary: walk up to the Vaccinator 2000 with your arm exposed and have a jab. This is ideal for larger centres or Christmas parties

2/3

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

A new smarter way to share Med3 (fit/sic notes) by Satyre Medical Practice.

I just hope their label printer works...

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Dr: Did you know that doctors give a prize to the patients who have not moved a muscle in a year.

Patient: What do they get?

Dr: A trophy.

#medichumour

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

An innovative way to speed up ambulance handover time.

The team at @SatyreMP are saving the #NHS yet again.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Further guidance on NHS UK's extra funding for face-to-face consultations has been confirmed.

It doesn't seem too bad, does it?

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Dr: Did you know that doctors give a prize to the patients who have not moved a muscle in a year.

Patient: What do they get?

Dr: A trophy.

#medichumour

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

@sean_key @Duffnet1970s @e17chrisfleming @wilsmart @NHSCCIO TBH it confuses us as well.

That is why we rely on carrier pigeon consultations more.

So much easier than digital.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

We would like to confirm that Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp all going down yesterday was directly the response of GPs.

Dr Grandalf unplugged the router at work....

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Satyre Medical Practice thinks they have found the solution to the GP appointment crisis.

Please respond to the consultation to have your views heard.

[Emmajourno @Emmajourno]

The NHS is under massive pressure, ambulance demand up 25%, waiting lists at all time high. GPs are working 13h days to try and manage workload seeing way more (often v complex) patients than is safe. Every single practice I speak to say demand is through the roof.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Today is National Dump on GP day.

Please make sure to dump on the GP all the tasks and actions that need doing including those from outside the practice. Already we have:

We anticipate more to come.

#medtwitter #nhs #NationalDumpOnGPDay

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

We have found out something about tomorrow that will make the day challenging.

Hold tight..... It going to be a bumpy ride.

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

@donalmurray2002 Shhhh don't get the Americans on to us as well...

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Following recent news stories in the Daily Fail, we would like to also confirm that the following are also due to GPs not seeing patients face to face.

🔴 Brexit
🔴 Losing America from the British Empire
🔴 The sinking of the Titanic

#Medtwitter #GPsFault #NHS

[Satyre Medical Practice @SatyreMP]

Why do we have 200 followers?

Who are you?

Remember we won't see you.

Messenger pigeon consultations only.