In the middle of a fever dream an Indian toddler coughed into my eye.
Okay. That’s fair. That’s on me, @SpiritAirlines. I should have known that there would be extra charges. That ticket was too cheap.
Two days ago in NY, I saw @MarkRuffalo eat a wild berry off a tree in Central Park and I thought “what an asshole.”
Today in Boston, I ate edibles some random lady at Fenway park handed me.
My bad, Mark. You were just enjoying the fruits of your environment. I get it now. 😅
Comedian @SaulComedy is our guest on #whatsupfoolpodcast this week. This foo has been paying his dues & now it's paying off. Go check him out at a show near you!
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Watch on my youtube channel (https://t.co/WLyDdXd5T6) or listen on all podcast apps & streaming audio platforms.
Other comics: “we better leave him alone, he’s probably going over his set”
Me: *watching a reel of a white lady making homemade treats for a dog in a sweater*
I’m such a procrastinator that I’ll wait to the very last set of underwear til I have to wash clothes. And even then, the tip of my dickhead will know what the raw feeling of denim is like until the chafe causes me to cave and do laundry.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all the single people out there.
Go fuck someone raw today.
Take a gamble.
Maybe you’ll find a baby mama/daddy to hate and you’ll never be alone ever again. 🥰😚
Witness: The man had a hoarse voice.
Detective: He like neighed and stuff?
Witness: Neighed?
Detective: *makes a horse sound*
Witness: No, his voice was like raspy and deep.
Detective: Most horse voices would be.