Savanna Hazlewood

Am I more than you bargained for yet?

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“I don’t know, I’m not an armadillo specialist.”

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“How are all three twins gay?” -Jacob

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“I thought that was a Chinese restaurant then I realized those were toes.”

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“What did Gandalf say to Harry?” -Jacob

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“I’m deaf and you’re mute, that’s double the silence!”

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“Is that Joffrey Baratheon behind you?”
“….that’s my wife.”

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

*me watching TikTok at 1 a.m.*
Jacob: turn it up and start it over

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Sometimes you just have to eat a pickle in bed at 1:42 a.m.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

“If aliens ever come to earth and start consuming media, I hope this is the only thing they watch…because they’ll be really confused about Gollum.” -Jacob

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Tweeting song lyrics and other things no one cares about for 12 years now. 🤷🏼‍♀️
#MyTwitterAnniversary

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Finished the new You book too fast and now I’m sad and miss Joe 😭

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Throwback to 2014. I’m just so excited.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Returning from my Twitter hiatus to say I just ugly cried about @balanceandcomp being back. 🥹

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

@demi_burnett Project Ruby!

[twy lyric bot (MANUAL MODE, SORRY) @twylyricbot]

I keep thinking of ways to make it seem like an accident
Pull the brake off my bike so if the bus runs the light well then

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Merry Chrysler. 🎄 https://t.co/n2mdAxWCso

[twy lyric bot (MANUAL MODE, SORRY) @twylyricbot]

I don't wanna die, or maybe I do. 'Cause everything's so fucking dark. You found me crying in the other room.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Just want to be done with undergrad but it’s impossible to work full time and schedule the classes I need. 💀 Don’t change your major 6 times, kids.

[Savanna Hazlewood @SavHaz]

Jacob just showed me a TikTok but prefaced it by saying, “Look at this demon” and I knew he meant either a child or a cat. 😂💀