Mr. M

Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

You never know

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

I got fat enough that Face ID asked for a password and an explanation.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

What next? #Shazam is saving the day or what?

#Hijack

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Or X as these kids call it

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Twitter showing everyone’s location now…

Nice.

Because what I really needed was strangers knowing I’m tweeting from my couch, pretending I have a life.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Turned out, it spelled disaster.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

I was out walking and saw a guy carrying a Scrabble board, he tripped, tiles went everywhere. I couldn’t help myself. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Always pick the berry girl. She is going to be a berry cute girl 😉

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

If it did 🤣

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Are you? #smh 😄

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

The only place a man feels like a CEO? The restroom — he’s got the seat, the privacy, and nobody dares knock.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Suddenly and sadly restroom becomes men peaceful place.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Career shift? Bro, I didn’t just hit Shift + Delete… I emptied the recycle bin too!

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Skeletons don’t fight each other because they don’t have the guts.

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

Why did the human soul decide to become an animal?

Because it wanted to paws for a moment and reflect on life from a furrier perspective! Plus, who wouldn’t want to trade in their morning coffee for a nice, warm belly rub?

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

That feeling when you hit your elbow

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

When you tell a joke and wait for everyone to laugh, but they just stare at you like...

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

I just found out my spirit animal is a sloth. Now I feel justified in my napping skills.

#LazyGoals #SlothLife

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

This guy @KarlUrban is SO fit for #John #Constantine role. Can you make this happen @DCOfficial ?

[Mr. M @SavageAFx]

I'd tell you a pizza joke, but it's probably too cheesy.