Sam “Splits” Williams

Sig pi Pledgemaster ‘09 | Dave Ramsey Enjoyer | BlueChew Fanatic | Rockies Ball Boy ‘97 | Former K user | Hook ‘Em! |

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Hi Peyton! My name is Sam and I’m 100% committed to you bouncing on my weiner. #beatme

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Waiting for the stall then walking in with two of your boys to do coke is gay.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Sidney Crosby is a hall of fame handjob. #sherm

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Anyone mind if the Alabama fraternity consultant gets a little rowdy on a Wednesday? #ferd

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Nate Oats may be the dirtiest coach in all of college hoops, but at least he wears a suit. #class

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

When Duke wins, Israel wins. #terrorism

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Bruce Thornton the second I put U.S Currency on him:

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Is girls unironically using the “😂” emoji hot?

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Up late thinking about grown men who actually go to raves.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

@studyofoptimal But recent studies have shown jestermaxxing is good for cortisol levels, no?

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

“Hey my name’s Kyle I’m from Jersey and I’m looking forward to rushing this fall”

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

There are still grown men that have a baby picture as their instagram profile btw.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

The American Airlines pretzel is one that doesn’t get enough recognition.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Anyone mention that Jerry Sandusky fella for the Penn State opening?

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Jim Nantz is the best commentator in sports and I don’t think it’s particularly close.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Thanksgiving is a better holiday than Halloween to see pictures of beautiful women.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

And for my final act I’ll bring up Ted Cruz’s AIPAC fund at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Always a great time of year when we’ve almost unlocked the next Breaking Bread missal.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Weren’t many things better than one of these guys after a pee-wee basketball game.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

Yes I love when you stand up immediately 15 rows back when the plane lands. It makes things easier for everyone.

[Sam “Splits” Williams @SavvySam73]

If you don’t have TSA pre-check you’re a freak.