Fluffy Nightmares

You know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he'll die.

[Wealth Squad Chris @Chrissssjohnson]

Entrepreneur & future entrepreneurs

I’m going to DM someone who RTs this tweet $1,000 in 72 hrs

If you’re picked but don’t follow me, I’ll pick someone else (Cause then I can’t DM u)

Use this money for a website, inventory, consulting, courses or whatever u want to use it for

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

@manwolfofwallst I’d like an add, please

[roi @GuavaJuice]

Giving away iPhone 8s! https://t.co/ymQ25OUqBx RT!

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

I instantly forget the pick-up # I'm given the moment I hang up with the pizza place. Take my name, please! I've only forgotten that once!

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

I just realized "Flo Rida" is Florida.
#ImDense

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Saw a dog trip today. He looked back & down, then up at his owner with a look that said, "Wasn't me! The pavement's uneven..." 🐶

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Ate nothing but toast & Jello for a week. Fed my tummy a burger and she reacted like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally". #stomachbug

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

"Candy is my vegetable." - my nephew

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

I'm willing to bet it's easier to put a condom on a charging rhino than stabilicers on a pair of tims.
I ❤️ Blizzards

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Pope-A-Paloosa is in full swing.
Never seen so many cellphones in church. Even the nuns & priests have them!
Do as I say, not as I do...

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

I'm being gently strangled by the collar of the t-shirt I'm wearing.
It's an adult-sized shirt with an infant-sized head hole. WTF?!

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Caller ID reads, "Cheaspeake, VA". My nephew gleefully announces to the room that "cheese penises" are calling.

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

That's how I wanna go out, dehydrated & covered in tinsel!
Sounds like a gay pride parade.
Uhhhh huh!

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

My nephew said he was my bday present.
I told him to keep the receipt so i can return him.
He didn't find that the least bit funny. 😂

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Our conscience reveals itself at the most inopportune times.

Love,
Your Evil Gemini Twin

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

I am entirely too reliant on central AC.
If the grid goes down, hostages will be taken until a suitable cooling solution can be found.

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

My voice is running the gamut from puberty-stricken Peter Brady to Kathleen Turner.
*Shakes fist at pollen*

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

The little note I wrote to myself yesterday might as well be ancient hieroglyphics today. Hope it wasn't anything important.

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Pollen is the devil's dandruff.

[Fluffy Nightmares @ScaredOfBunnies]

Words sound better coming from my hands than from my mouth cause I'm a typie-typie Gemini, not a talkie-talkie one.