mamaschlapps

worlds okayest boy mom💙 the best rave mom 🦋

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Happy milfs day 💘

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

“Babe, I have a zit on my back”

Me:

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

As someone who grew up in poverty (wouldn’t change a thing because I have learned so much and I am grateful) I am so happy that I have gotten myself to the place I am now to both give my children the world and show them the world. 🤎

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Me: *doesn’t plug phone in at night*

Also me: “y the fuk is my phone always dead?”

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Me shopping for Super Bowl watch party 🤝 hunny cleaning the house for superbowl watch party

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Every pay day I feel rich for a moment. Then I pay my credit card off and BOOM poor again

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Pretty sure my son is gonna bust in on me using the restroom until I die

Even if it’s just to talk to me about Pokémon

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

I tell everyone I’m 22. But eating shit while sledding today humbled me. My ass is definitely 28 and everything hurts. 🥴

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

“I just sprayed the shapoopie stuff”

My friend talking about poo-pourri

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It’s payday. And Christmas’s bonus day.

So I went to pay my credit card and the balance was $0. This feels illegal

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Not my bestie telling me to bring my daughter to see him and pack some “bagged tit” (breastmilk) for her

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Jared trying to tell me what he wants to get our son for Christmas and I constantly interrupt him by drinking loudly from my eMPTY stanley

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Wax lady really “you want upper lip too?”-ed me 🥲

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

I really got tatted with 3 combo bars and a bit of water in my tummy lol

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Truly had no idea that I’ve had my winery membership for 7 years. That’s nuts. But they gave me $70 credit on my account and that’s swag money

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Being a breastfeeding mom is not for the weak LOL

Boob juice just squirted everywhere during seggsy time and my hunny just goes “I don’t mind a nice horchata shower”

💀

Get me outta here

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

My hair girl just had her baby last night, and the first snap I get is her telling me babygirl has a butt chin with picture of baby’s butt chin lolol 🍑

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

When the tsa worker wishes us a happy indigenous peoples day 🤎

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

I feel like I’m losing my mind

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

@_santoyo_ Until they hit the phase where it’s a knockdown drag out fight to get them in the tub 😅

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

@_santoyo_ I gave him a crisp knucklesammich

[mamaschlapps @Schlapinator]

Not my baby brother calling me today to casually ask if he can borrow twelVE THOUSAND dollARS from me