Allison Schwartz

living life in pursuit of the fame i received once from a single @HarryStyles tweet

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@ChipotleTweets Ordered through your app - picked up my order, brought it home, and 5/8 ingredients are missing. Unacceptable, honestly.

[blaire erskine @blaireerskine]

This is mine

[blaire erskine @blaireerskine]

does everyone have their announcement tweet ready for when we all eventually get it

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@Hannny91 horrific

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@kraftmacncheese when does the US get your vegan mac? kraft mac n cheese is one of the 5 main food groups as far as I’m concerned and the only non-vegan one in my life!!!

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@FranceinLA hello - my passport expires in December, France honors a three month expiration date rather than 6 months, right?

[Chelsea Handler @chelseahandler]

The CDC is also recommending that men don’t go back to telling women to smile now that they can see their faces.

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@unbrelieveable Cc: @meg_baird416

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

Hey @Uber might want to work on having a rideshare service that is reliable again before you prioritize getting into the vaccine market - who is going to trust you to get them vaccinated if you can’t even get them a driver?

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@unbrelieveable that’s nothing, my friend. i easily hit $25 everytime. and damnit, now I really miss portillos.

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

Goodbye forever!!!!!

[Daniel Dale @ddale8]

Here’s Trump’s public schedule for tomorrow.

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@AriFleischer no, he’s trying to not be divisive. a nice change of pace for a president.

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@monacita77 @pattonoswalt @fbi “at the next one”.....?

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

well, as a close to 2020 i learned that tonight was the first time gino has ever heard of cyndi lauper so

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

nye has always been my 2nd least favorite holiday so the one saving grace of 2020 is not having to do this holiday is kind of my best case scenario

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@jdaley shoulda stopped after millionaire

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@PhobioSupport @AlexMorash @Apple sure - but you already did and told me there was nothing you could do. which is just why i feel it’s weird you’re an official partner of @apple and don’t have the ability to do any minor “housekeeping” on an otherwise perfectly running device

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

@AlexMorash @PhobioSupport Nope! I took my computer back out of principle. For a partner of @apple directly this is such a disappointing and bizarre service.

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

if your toenails are long enough to have a french manicure (pedicure?) on them, they’re too long PLEASE cut them

[Allison Schwartz @Schnitzeltown]

when you’re asked to commeb your “third emoji” as an answer to a question, is it third from the left or third from the top? very important, i must know if my year is going to end with 🫑 or 🥚