Elyse Jordan

i like red sour patch kids, books about successful people, house projects and making my family smile.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

CO-SIGN

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

@Erk1817 I think Trek is an example of how white the church is. Imagine this in a black church “alright youth, time to go work in the fields for 3 days. Just to appreciate your life”

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

No… I didn’t cry at the premier of Ted Lasso season 3 during the opening credits because I was so happy it’s back… why do you ask?

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Turns out, if you stay away from civilization, turn off all notifications, and stay off Instagram.. the day after Thanksgiving is actually a really nice day.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Back. I purchased the unit in May and it hasn’t worked at all. Please message me to resolve this issue.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

@ZLINEKitchen I’m trying to reach customer service and have not heard back. I submitted a warranty claim, waited 3 weeks for the technician, when he came he said the dishwasher is not repairable and needs to be replaced. He submitted that information to y’all and hasn’t heard

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

I guarantee no one else feels this way but I legit stall laying down at night in my bed because I’m afraid I will never get out of it.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

I couldn’t find clippers so I just bit my baby’s hangnail with my teeth like an absolute animal.

I say this not out of pride, but out of proof that motherhood makes you absolutely insane.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

What I needed to sleep at the age of 22: a relatively horizontal surface.

What I need to sleep at the age of 35: a $200 pillow, a hypoallergenic silk pillowcase, air purifier, phone plugged in, brown noise, clean sheets, empty to do list.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Mad respect for all the companies observing Monday as a holiday and giving Juneteenth the respect it has always deserved.

To the companies saying they’re “recognizing” but not giving employees the day off, we’re watching you 👀👀

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

@Morgan_Stewart It’s giving… sexual awakening at 15 vibes

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

I had a dream that some old white people tried to overturned Roe v. Wade. Then I woke up in 2022

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

My solution to always losing my AirPods was to buy a second set…..

So now instead of never being able to find both AirPods, I can never find all 4 AirPods.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Do you know who dated Kate Beckingsale before Jason Momoa?…..

….Pete Davidson

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Wups @siblingrevelry @jonfavs

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

@jillyyyfab Meredith Marks is a close second

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

If anyone is feeling mom guilt, you should know that I hired a babysitter so I could work on a puzzle so…. chances are you’re good.

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

4 yr old: I don’t want any of that green stuff it looks like poop.
5 yr old: (grabbing a bite) sissy, that’s not poop, its just cooked kale.
4 yr old: no, I’m pretty sure it’s poop

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

A Tik Tok trend where kids read Kanye’s Instagram captions from 2/13/22

[Elyse Jordan @Scoggin500]

Elon Musk Is BRITISH?!? Have I been under a rock?

[Channing @channinghancock]

Normalize Bishops baby wearing while conducting sacrament meeting. #twitterstake #churchofjesuschrist @Ch_JesusChrist #lds