Journals

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[Journals @Scometsag]

Queer, autistic, have ADHD, C-PTSD & BPD.
Loves learning, reading, researching, analysing, writing, profiling people, psychology, technology, privacy & security, philosophy, astrology & tarot.
And deep dives into topics, meanings, relationships & the why behind things & people.

[Journals @Scometsag]

https://t.co/7d1bVCw7ja

[Journals @Scometsag]

والله لو أتكلم من اليوم لبكرة ما أوفيك حقك

[Journals @Scometsag]

I love how you see me for who I am, not for how useful I am.
I feel like I can just exist.
I don't have to perform.
All I have to do is just breathe and feel the love.

I see my future with you. I see us growing together. Achieving together. Building together. Making our dreams come true together. Just being together. Happily. Calmly. Peacefully. And passionately.

I wanna be with you at your highs and lows. I wanna be the one holding you when you most need it. I wanna be the one wiping your tears. I wanna be the one who makes you laugh everytime you feel down. I wanna be the one comforting you when everything feels dark and gloomy. I wanna be the one who stays when everyone is gone. I wanna be the one for you.

I wanna see you thrive. I wanna see you lead. I wanna see you build. I wanna see you grow. I wanna see you relapse. I wanna see you exist and be. I wanna be you witness.

I wanna feel your joy. I wanna feel your happiness. I wanna feel your anger. I wanna feel your pain. I wanna feel your love. I wanna feel your hate. I wanna feel your calm. I wanna feel your peace. I wanna feel your anxiety. I wanna feel your fear. I wanna feel your presence. I wanna feel your distance. I wanna feel you.

I want your dreams. I want your plans. I want your responsibilities. I want your thoughts. I want your stories. I want your opinions. I want you perspective. I want your memories. I want all of you.

You light the fire inside of me. You're the balance I always sought. You're God's blessing on this earth. I'm thankful for everytime you choose to exist. And I'm thankful for the distance that gave me the ability to connect with you and express this for you. You are the deities I pray for. You are the prophets I learn from. You are the picture on a soldier's necklace. You are the oil the US destroys nations for. You are the job position that triggers my imposter syndrome. You are the dream that's so beautiful and magical -to the point that a family member wakes you up cause they kinda have a 7th sense of knowing when you're happy and rush to stop the feeling- that you'd remember for years.

You are just you. And God... I can't even describe how beautiful that is. You. No words could define or describe you.
I can only feel you and exist peacefully, gracefully, lovingly, and passionately.

I love you.
I got the pleasure to explore a drip of the depths of your oceans. And I wanna thank you for allowing me to experience some of your wonders. Thank you for showing me light in my darkest days. Thank you for choosing to spend time with me.

Distance and autonomy always scared me and I always felt guilty for even thinking about it. Cause my presence was always demanded like I was born to entertain.
But you make me feel like I can exist outside of you. I can live for me and you simultaneously without losing you or myself.
And I feel so calm and peaceful in distance without spiraling and losing my mind. Because I know you love me and I love you. And it's just that. It's not the end of the world. It's the beginning of it. The Fool.
Thank you for giving me the grace to find myself in our sneaky, hidden, safe out of a distance, beautiful, deep, rollercoastery -in the most beautiful exciting way possible- conversations.

Just be patient with me and allow me sometime to be brave enough to exist with someone as wonderful and magical as you. You're more than I can handle at the moment... and I mean it in the most insecure self-conscious pathetic way possible.

I love you. And I wanna fulfill all your needs, wants, and desires. Within reason. Cause you taught me to love with a brain.

And I'm sorry for not proofreading and polishing this for you. Forgive me for my typos and imperfections. But I bet this is how you want it.

I love you like crazy. I would gladly make the choice of losing myself into you. But you keep me sane and I love you for it. You fit the description I gave my therapist of my dream person. Manifesting works ig.

[Journals @Scometsag]

https://t.co/1belPOQbqY

[Journals @Scometsag]

I really just wanna jump and dive into you. But I'll hold back for a little while until I learn how to swim.

I actually can't swim irl.

[Journals @Scometsag]

@IIW0NDERII 💥💗 💌 💙 😭 🐬 🤍 😡 🫧 🌷🪽

[Journals @Scometsag]

@w0nderjournal ههههههههههههههههههههه أضحك لأنها قد صارت لي

[Journals @Scometsag]

June 2023
"It seemed like all the people surroundings me were full of selfishness, feeding of my selflessness."