script.

just make sure they play my documentary on telemundo.

[script. @ScriptRivers]

life's a party and im too drunk to drive home

[script. @ScriptRivers]

in the pool, working on my mid-range jumper.

[Alasdair Gold @AlasdairGold]

That's just what Harry Kane does.

[script. @ScriptRivers]

harry kane 🐐

[Maybe: Papi Women Neglecter vol 5 @JuicegawdinPriv]

Imagine you late for work and you gotta tell HR it was because a Albino nigga stopped traffic on i75 to make a music video 😭

[script. @ScriptRivers]

pace yourself johnny

[script. @ScriptRivers]

i'm in my guinness era.

[script. @ScriptRivers]

brother i suggest you shut up and have some fun

[Murray Hill Guy @MurrayHillGuy1]

Millennials, it's time to choose your midife crisis

1. Date a 23 year old
2. Quit drinking and become insufferable about it
3. Double down on drinking
4. Train for a marathon nobody asked about
5. Have a panic baby (with wife you hate)
6. "We're opening the relationship" (she bangs)
7. Get divorced
8. Get diagnosed with adult ADHD/autism
9. Niche side quests like rock climbing, hyrox, gardening, handstands

[script. @ScriptRivers]

look to hard and you'll never actually find it

[script. @ScriptRivers]

"i don't think i like figuring things out."

[script. @ScriptRivers]

i have limitless energy & i'm healthy as fuck

[script. @ScriptRivers]

i'll get everything back.

[script. @ScriptRivers]

where would you be if you had nobody

[script. @ScriptRivers]

just trying to ride the wave...
no.
i am the wave.

[Dylan O'Sullivan @DylanoA4]

André Gide, go all in

[Evanss6 @Evan_ss6]

Girls be like “I manifested this” and it’s just them being an escort

[script. @ScriptRivers]

everytime i quit drinkin some shit happens that makes me start drinkin

[John LeFevre @JohnLeFevre]

You’re ~2x more likely to die from heat in Europe than from guns in America.

They lecture us on “gun violence” while their elderly cook to death without AC.

Europe: ~175k annual heat deaths
US: ~44k gun deaths, mostly suicide and targeted urban violence