Sebastian McPherson

God. Family. Beer. Senior Associate Salesman, Sears. Commodities Futures Trader. UAA Baseball Junkie. Pending CSCS Certification

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@MaxLuvsUAA How about Harrison Blueweiss’s pops? Heard he’s a real stand up guy. Be careful if that guy gets his hands on any beer.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Forgot my pay stub in the Brandeis gymnasium after a long, cold 4 game set in dark, gloomy Waltham, Mass. #taxseason is gonna kick my ass. Will be interesting to see how WashU fares with umpires that don’t attend their coach’s Thanksgiving dinner. Stay blessed y’all. #flosports

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Fucker in front of me got a hot sub and plugged up the line. Didn’t come to Jersey mikes for a sit down dinner. Yanks fan too #brutal

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Friday trio: KitKat, cool mint, and some nudy after a long work week. Winning.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Work catered Mellow Mushroom for lunch today. Threw my wife’s leftover Chick Picatta in the trash and floated over to the break room like this.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Gahlee those #kappadelta girls sure don’t play around. As far as my wife knows, I was “playing cards with the fellas” last night. One for the books.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Since when are 6 milligrams $7 at QuikTrip? Capitalism is a scam. Trump better fix that bs. Need my citrus 6’s before I wheel some high schoolers at the local pub. #dogecoin

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Just had a few beers at a local bar and pulled trig in the bathroom. Took me back to the college days. #Ukraine

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@Lebron137938 Must be a piece of work

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Got caught staring at this lady while stocking the kitchen supplies isle. Dropped a whole box of drain covers and she saw the boner thru my #sears apron.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Desperate to the point where I’m randomly checking Venmo for CPS payments from my baby momma

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@glenwood_paul long cut or bust #grit

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@PitchingNinja great technique displayed in that first clip; could use some tips from him before the wife walks out the door.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

just discovered this guy key glock. Pretty gangster beat he throws down. i can’t really understand the lyrics because this dude talks like he’s got pennie’s in his mouth 😂😂. Haven’t listened to much rap in my past but I’m always happy to spice up my music taste #letthebandplay

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@glenwood_paul What a hater! Classic dodgers fan hating because they’ll never get a shortstop like him😹😹. Go back to lego land or wherever you take those 2 annoying ass kids. See me on the course pal🏌️‍♂️

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@GlennHammondKY nobody cares bud. you’re a lowlife

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

Rough week this week. lost 6 clients because of some circulating older tweets of mine; can’t get it up in the bedroom and i’m 90% sure my wife is getting railed by the gardener. little jimmy got suspended for asking his redhead teacher if the carpet matched the drapes. kids, man.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

@JomboyMedia Wow. I feel like my little squirt and I could bang this out without a doubt. Just give me a few bapples to get the juices flowing and that record’s mine.

[Sebastian McPherson @Seb_Mcpherson]

glad to be busting out the #twitter. just threw in 3 SMP tube slides after a fight with the Mrs. (soon to be Ms.). Absolutely buzzing. Looking for a new netflix show to watch while i sleep on the couch. may just throw in my airpods and fall asleep to zach bryan’s beautiful voice.