Seb the cat 🐱

'99 180(5'11) 74 • 136 IQ • INFJ - T • Just vents and NSFW⚠️ I don’t do VCs

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Good morning holy forehead

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

I haven't dated for a while and so recently, I used a dating app again. Matched with someone cute. Tried to have a conversation and failed. The guy deactivated his profile after 3 days. 7 years single and I completely forgot that I have to be interesting to be worth dating LOL.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

It's my 4th day skipping work.
IDK what to do with my life.
I don't feel motivated to do anything.
I only vaguely remember what I used to like doing with my free time.
I want to walk around the city and talk (with no one in particular, just someone, anyone)
IDK what about but IDK

[Martha Ahumuza @MarthaAhumuza]

Your mental illness might explain your behavior but it doesn’t excuse your impact on other people. It might explain why you did what you did but it doesn’t erase the fact that someone else had to live with the impact. It gives context and not absolution. You can say

[⚡️Christopher⚡️ @CDubbs]

When I was in 7th grade a new kid moved to town. He was a surfer & jet skier who won all kinds of awards for kids our age in California

I was infatuated.

He was my first crush. The kind where you know every indent of their lips and every speck in their eyes after seeing them once

I think everyone meets a magnet at some point. And he was magnetic to me. Every day was a discovery with him. Everything was new even though I memorized everything I knew. I was head over heels

We both joined the wrestling team after a week into the school year and that is where we really started to bond. He was much quicker than me and knew how to apply certain moves on me that would defeat me. I was irate. I was stronger, thicker, and fast. I didn’t lose often. He beat me 3 times in a row.

I didn’t talk to him for a few days. I’m like that. Always will be. Can’t help it. But he would just look over, devastatingly handsome, and give me a little wave and a smirk. Usually the sun would be hitting his highlights perfectly in the wind. I had no defenses to his charismatic onslaught

Lunchtime. He’s walking around looking at the tables. Sees me… walks over. Sits down. His lips are the same color burgundy as the school sweater he’s wearing…

“I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. I would’ve let you win”

“I’m not sensitive”

He laughed under his breath and looked downward like he was genuinely trying to hide it. When he looked up I remember making true eye contact with him for the first time. That lock clicked. He saw into me and I saw into him. He smirked and said, “I won’t ever mention it again”

He showed me many of his moves as we trained and wrestled and there were times I could beat him, we would wrestle hard.. but I wouldn’t try to hurt him. With the other guys a hard armbar across the face felt normal. But he was different.

His father started showing up to our matches when season started. Drove a huge truck, business owner, super confident and loud. He would really get into the matches & scream & shout. If my friend won everyone knew. If my friend lost… well his Dad was asked to leave a few times. My friend would just ignore it. Act like it wasn’t his Dad. Just look away.

After a month he started asking if I wanted to come over for a weekend. The autumn weeks were warm & he still did waterskiing competitions & wanted me to come along. It would involve me spending the night. I said yes & we worked everything out. I was excited & nervous. I would spend the night with friends all the time… but he was different

After our wrestling match that Friday I was to ride home with him & his father. The plan was to spend the night, then go to the waterski competition the next morning

I don’t remember if I won or lost, be he lost a close match & his father erupted. His father yelled at the official, the other team’s coaches, other parents. It was a scene. The father leaves & drives off… irate. Big truck revving, tires screeching

We end up getting a ride home from his Mom. She showed up, really pretty & very sweet. She had an Escalade with a booming system in it and turned up the music so we could hear the bass as we drove home. They didn’t talk much about the Dad. Just a few questions & grunts

The night was going well, I don’t remember much but it was a comfortable evening. We ended up going to bed and we slept in his bed. We talked for a while. I remember my heart sounded like horses galloping in my ears. My mouth kept getting dry. I had a raging hard-on so I laid with my back to him. Answering his questions as they bounced off the window in front of me and filled my ears with his voice

At some point he dozed off & I was laying there thinking. Every time I would swallow it felt like I would wake the house up. He would make little clicking noises in his throat, his breath getting deeper. I was about to drift off myself when I heard him startle a bit, jump from his dream & roll over, his arm now around me, leg over mine
(to be continued)

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

I was there sa mall earlier because I accompanied my friend sa 🍎 store pero since I was not sure if allowed yung drinks sa loob (I was drinking boba), I stayed out for a few minutes and sumandal muna ako sa railing sa labas.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

A stranger tried to "pick me up" earlier sa SM. I noticed na someone was walking towards me and as soon as our eyes met he nodded while keeping his eyes locked.

IDK. It creeps me out and makes me feel validated at the same time.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

I feel so lonely and undeserving of love.
It's not like there's no one trying to be close. It's just that I somehow feel like I deserve this for all the messy things I've done years ago.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Sa tapat ng grocery store sa pinakababa ako nakain ng puto/kakanin pag tagtipid at umay na sa Siomai Rice at Marley's sa tayuman (f/e/u).

Kailangan lang mej mabilis maglakad and laging nakayuko haha. Or else may lalapit sayo for something inappropriate haha

[@pauloinmanila and 99 others @pauloMDtweets]

What are your Recto memories?

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Just last night I was thinking about how I've grown to be so apathetic.
Then just an hour ago, I had a mental breakdown and cried ugly while at work.

I guess this is my emotions telling me that they're still here. LOL what a mess it was

[Chester @hey_chester]

tinapos niya talaga
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA 😭😭

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Trying my best to keep what little happiness I felt 2 weeks prior.

I found that taking 5mins more in the shower helps. I feel good when I look good LOL).
I've also moved to this apartment last December nga so I get to sing my heart out and cry when I feel like doing so haha.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Finally did a deep cleaning of my apartment after 5 months.

Now that I kind of feel a wee bit better mental health wise, I want to do as much of the things that I should've done these past several months.

Before another bout of depression starts (which I know is coming soon).

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

This past week lang, there's not a day na lumagpas yung tulog ko ng 2 hrs possibly due to the weather and pag overthink na din haha. This very same week, I've only had 2 (maybe 3) decent meals din. For some reason, I lost my apetite haha.

[Seb the cat 🐱 @SebastianReyF2]

Not you saying this over a Jisoo bridge. Couldn't have been more wrong.