After nearly a hundred days out I think I've reached a low intermediate level in Python. Not an emacs wizard twiddling code like magic but I can write little scripts a little more comfortably.
Suzuki Roshi said that to be a good Zen Buddhist you have to be a good Christian. It makes sense to a degree that you don't run counter to morality in Zen by being Zen. It probably isn't in the sense of worshipping Jesus though but perhaps knowing his teachings, the golden rule.
I feel stuck with Zen. It might've contributed to a delusional morbid mentality of deprivation that ruined my life, but I still believe in Zen. I still believe in letting go and not holding on.