the Secondhand Child

sexual assault survivor and victim advocate, adoptee, Proud father 🏳️‍🌈 Gamer

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@Kbela50 @MidniteOil55 @RedheadAdoptee If not for adoptee twitter and advocacy, I would still believe there was something wrong with ME for feeling the way that I do. I would still believe that it was just me.. and I did for a very long time.

[Susan Kiyo Ito @thesusanito]

I'll be teaching "Writing Family Stories"at @sfgrotto this fall. Limited spots available, including some at discount. Following this, I'll be teaching "Adoption, Kinship & Foster Care" writing workshop. I'd love to see #adopteevoices for one/both. 🧵https://t.co/NXPP41T60B

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@corsent @bonnienorman @rushrevered I doubt Ryan would be foolish enough to make a claim in any other instance that one can know exactly how another person feels - even they had shared experiences. (Nevermind that APs are rarely also adoptees)

In psychology I believe this is called cognitive dissonance

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@Renaedarlene @corsent If you're convinced that you can relate to an experience you've never had or can decide how another human does/should feel - can you honestly say that you're the safest person to confide in when someone's feelings don't completely meet your expectations?

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@Bennbutt451 @M_Nikki_dUrso No one is saying not to feel sympathy for the mother and kids. This gonna sound wild, but it is possible to have compassion for multiple people at the same time.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@antiadoption1 @M_Nikki_dUrso It's amazing how quickly they can turn it off.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@divinityxk @themouthyoufeed @lululemomsays @M_Nikki_dUrso That's not what she said though. At all..

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@JSladeShow What a great big brother. ❤️

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@turgenev @TESOnline Very nice. Which lights are those?

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@flewdacooptoo Thank you!

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

Yesterday marked 3 months of continuous sobriety for me and I have no else to tell, so I guess I'll just post it here.
#3MonthsSober

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@BrunTheBear @emmigauche @JnxOuaquaga I'm not saying that adoption shouldn't have been an option for me, but maybe don't be so dismissive when adoptees call for changes to it.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@BrunTheBear @emmigauche @JnxOuaquaga I spent more than 6 years in foster care and children's homes. I saw every type of placement, good & bad. Except for the moving around part, adoption wasn't any better. At least with foster care there was some oversight for my well being. Once my adoption was finalized that ended

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@Kbela50 @MidniteOil55 @RedheadAdoptee If not for adoptee twitter and advocacy, I would still believe there was something wrong with ME for feeling the way that I do. I would still believe that it was just me.. and I did for a very long time.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@JnxOuaquaga It's curious.

I wonder if it just never occurs to the people who compile these fluff pieces to get the takes of actual adoptees. (Which by itself would be revealing)

...or if the attempt was made, but the responses weren't what they were looking for.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@bailey_moloney @JnxOuaquaga What if I told you this experience wasn't singular and was more common than you think?

Punching adoptees in the womb is bad, but being unnecessarily hostile to a hurting adoptee isn't? Are you the same with "it" when "it" doesn't share the same sentiments as you?

[Dr. Sandra Steingraber 🏳️‍🌈 @ssteingraber1]

It’s almost like we universally dislike the condescending saviorism that manifests as compulsory gratitude and doubles as the reason for holding our origin stories as state secrets.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@sctchef @kim_penn Sometimes we have become such dutiful girls and boys that we've yet to fully acknowledge it to ourselves.

I was well into adulthood before I even began to consider something that "taboo".

Adoption in any other light than the hallmark "forever" family.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@FauxClaud @Rizabellepow and that's just scratching the surface. I could go on and on about all the similarities I've noticed.

In particular.. having non-adoptees attempt to "educate" adoptees about the adoption experience.

[the Secondhand Child @SecondhandChild]

@FauxClaud @Rizabellepow Although I don't have to deal with the anxiety of not knowing the identity of my bio family, I've noticed that I share much of the same separation trauma. Similar feelings of inadequacy. Shared experiences of being accused of not being appreciative enough for the institution, etc