ππ³ π· Upgrading to STATUS JAM π·π³ π
An unsanctioned poster reading
'You don't have to be possessed by a malevolent entity to work here - but it helps!'
...has been put up in meeting room 'Lancer'.
This poster does not conform to our branding guidelines.
ππ§ββοΈπΆ SALSA ALERT πΆπ§ββοΈπ
Errata: In section 9.7.3 paragraph 6 of the Handbook the phrase 'suspicious wizards' should read 'liminal rabbits' - please update your copy accordingly.
ππΊπ₯‘ This is a PLUM ALERT π₯‘πΊπ
Whether it's Hideous Youtubers or Imaginary Swedes; good operatives are ready for anything. Average staff are ready for most things; but might struggle with Demonic Warthogs π€£ .
ππ³ π¨ This is a MULBERRY ALERT π¨π³ π
An unsanctioned poster reading
'You don't have to have criminally low impulse control to work here - but it helps!'
...has been put up in the staff lounge.
This poster does not conform to our branding guidelines.
ππ«πΌ VIOLET ALERT πΌπ«π
Please note that the scheduled Americans versus Reporters snooker match has been abandoned after an unsanctioned (CLASSIFIED).
πππΌ CONDITION VIOLET πΌππ
Reminder: agents should NOT use the interview rooms as an alternative to the dormitories during the refurbishment resulting from the recent 'summoning incident'.
π¦πβπ¨π₯§ This is a PUMPKIN ALERT π₯§πβπ¨π¦
π Congratulations to Operative No. 597582 for their handling of the recent Gorillas / Inquisitions situation. π
π§ββοΈπͺπΊπ₯ CONDITION BEIGE π₯πͺπΊπ§ββοΈ
Correction: General Data Protection Regulation (EU) 2016/679 ('GDPR') rules DO in fact apply to vampires whether terrible or giant. Consult pages 93 to 557 of your Handbook for further information.
π¦ππ Upgrading to STATUS MINT πππ¦
πWe are looking for mandatory volunteers! We have invented a new tablet that protects against giant rhinos. Pretty cool!
ππ¦π₯€ CERULEAN ALERT π₯€π¦π
Correction: a previous alert referred to '...a baneful gorilla...' - this should have read '...a whispering reporter...'. We apologize for any confusion caused.
π€·πΎββοΈβοΈπ DUSK ALERT πβοΈπ€·πΎββοΈ
Reminder: operatives MUST NOT interact with hideous civilians unless absolutely necessary.
π΅π§ββοΈπ LEMON ALERT ππ§ββοΈπ΅
π¨ Remember: there will be a mandatory showing of 'Questionable Wizards - the new Caterers?' in the greenhouse as soon as possible.
π¨πΎβπππ₯ STATUS: FUCHSIA π₯ππ¨πΎβπ
It has come to our attention that the 'No Executions' sign in the dormitories has been defaced to read 'No Astronauts' - we would like to reassure our astronaut coworkers that your contribution -however minor- is valued here.
ππ―π Downgrading to STATUS LIPSTICK ππ―π
A powerful procedure is scheduled for the cafeteria this afternoon - please refer to your handbook.
π§ββοΈπ π¦ This is a LILAC ALERT π¦π π§ββοΈ
Correction: the prohibition on containments in the library ONLY applies to mermaids and NOT to operatives.