Secret Crab Bell

I found a Crab Bell (ALL HAIL!) in the wild. My fiancée didn’t want me to purchase it. I may or may not have purchased it. This is the account of my secret 🦀🛎

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

What gender is my crab bell? #CrabBell #AllHail #Crab #Crabs #Bell #DINGDING

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

Mr Tumble will be banned from my home when I have kids.
Ain’t no way I’m letting that cretin near my kids (even just digitally), based on how he is in real life.
He’s absolutely pathetic and a total arse to children everywhere.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I always thought the thing I'd appreciate most as my toddlers got older was not having to change nappies, or pay for nursery with my spare kidney but no, the thing that gives me the most pleasure, is not having to ever watch Mr-fucking-Tumble on CBeebies ever again.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@PFEW_Chair “Apter has spent over 28 years old in service” sums that article up pretty well…

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@AesopZak Beautiful, brings a tear to my eye!
It really sets out one’s desperation & determination to uncover a wild crustacean in the terrifying yet slightly admirable shelving of @TKMaxx_UK.
Stay strong, believe in yourself. Remember, a wild crab bell will appear when the time is right.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@Charley_Dug Update shall come. Currently my fiancée thinks my best friend owns the crab bell and has no clue as to the eventual destination of the beautiful creature. I drastically hope she won’t be throwing it off Brighton pier, though. Part of me suspects she wasn’t joking... 😱

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

Yesterday, I expressed my sheer joy when finding a crab bell.
My fiancée, however, was not so pleased when I shared my excitement.

Of course, as with many males around the world, when told specifically “DO NOT BUY THE F***ING CRAB BELL”, I just had to purchase it!

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@AesopZak Not Wiltshire.

I’ll chuck a clue your way.

Current tally of 84/80 but if you go back far enough, there’s a tie. “What kind of tie?” I hear you ask, well, that’s for you to figure out. 6.8km but my crab bell may not be alone on if s/he takes a trip to the bank. What bank? Guess.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

My crab bell is currently of unidentified gender (how does one identify a crabs sex, anyway? Any vets out there willing to confirm?)

Crab Bell also needs a name.

Let’s get this show on the road!

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@Tanya_rse My crab bells long lost sibling! A truly beautiful species. The eyes have really developed well on your beautiful specimen!

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@Charley_Dug Genius! We’re currently in the process of moving, so I may wait until the new place to try that out-in-the-open approach!

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@AesopZak @ActualIsaac Now that’s throwing a wild suggestion out there. Sadly, it’s incorrect...

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@ActualIsaac @AesopZak Negative, good sir. Not Darlington.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@AesopZak This could prove a fun game.

I can indeed confirm that it is... NOT Hollywood, California.

Fancy another guess?

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

@Charley_Dug I may need to take you up on that offer. I currently have no idea how the crab bell (ALL HAIL!) is going to make it to my home and survive a healthy happy life as there have been numerous threats to throw it off a pier. However, I am determined. I may, over time, make it visible.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

Crab bell is settling in to its temporary home well (my fiancée met me moments after purchase, so had to bundle it into my best friends bag and smuggle it away).
Somehow she spotted it.
Threats to “throw it off the end of Brighton Pier” were made. Good job we live in London.

[Secret Crab Bell @SecretCrabBell]

Yesterday was day one. My beautiful new crab bell (ALL HAIL!) stole my heart instantly.
I created this account to share all the fun and exciting things it gets up to, whilst simultaneously hiding from my fiancée as she (and I quote) “will throw that in the bin” if I purchased it.